Unsteady (Mavi AU)

7

A/N: Here's another chapter for you guys. 😊 It feels nice getting back into the swing of things.

Enjoy!

This is the hardest thing Avi has ever done.

Those two words seem so final. Hearing them out loud for the first time from his own mouth feels alien. All the emotions he never allowed himself to feel, all the memories he fought to never remember, flood back. Avi battles with all his will against the knot forming in his throat and the tears welling in his eyes.

It's a battle he knows he'll eventually lose.

Avi glances at Mitch. He watches a myriad of emotions cross the younger man's face. From shock, to regret, to sympathy and concern. Mitch, like him, doesn't know how to feel either.

"My God...Avi...I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked." Mitch apologizes and turns down his gaze in shame.

"It's alright. Don't apologize. How could you have known?" Mitch casts a quick glance at him before returning his focus to the table. He looks like he wants to say something but he struggles with whether or not to say it.

After a moment, he tentatively asks his question.

"What happened to her?"

Avi closes his eyes and lets go of a shaky breath. He knew that question was coming. A huge part of him was hoping that Mitch would decide against it but another, smaller part, believed it was for the best. Maybe it's time he starts coming to terms with Emily's death.

"It's okay, Avi. You don't have to tell m-"

"No," Avi interrupts. "I really do. I have to talk about this. Just..." Avi places his head in his hands. "Just give me a moment."

He wants to start, to get it over with, but every time he tries to speak, his words hit an invisible wall. He opens his mouth and nothing comes out, not a sound. His own body is resisting in a desperate attempt to protect him from the painful memories. He seriously begins to doubt if he can actually do this.

The sound of a chair sliding across hardwood catches Avi's attention. He looks over to see Mitch positioned next to him. Those gorgeous brown eyes of his gaze up at him warmly as he places a supportive hand on his back.

The kind gesture gives Avi just enough strength to speak.

"It happened three years ago." Avi begins sadly. "She was four months pregnant with our first child. A girl." Avi hears Mitch inhale sharply. He continues, his voice cracking a bit. "We were getting ready to paint the room upstairs. It was going to be our daughter's room. We were so excited to be parents, so happy..." Avi's tears are fully flowing at this point and his words come out choked. Mitch begins to caress his back slowly, his eyes never leaving the table in front of him. "I was putting up the plastic film on the window when I heard a crash. I turned around and that's when I saw Emily on the ground. I ran to her, yelling for her, trying to wake her up, but she wouldn't wake up. That's when I saw the blood. There was so much, Mitch...so much. I panicked." Avi sobs quietly. "I rushed her to the hospital. She woke up in the car confused, screaming in pain and crying. I carried her into the emergency room and they took her away. I waited...waited in that waiting room for two. Agonizing. Days. They wouldn't let me see her. Not until they ran all the tests. When they finally came for me...that's when they told me she had lost the baby." Avi's breathing hitches as he fights the sobs. " I was devastated...I asked if she was okay but the doctor just slowly shook his head."

"What was wrong with her?" Mitch inquires, his voice barely a whisper.

"Cancer. Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. A rare, fast growing and aggressive type. It's what caused her miscarriage. We never noticed it. The slight fevers, the tiredness, the night sweats, the dizziness, we just thought it was from her pregnancy. We never gave it a thought." Avi's words ring with guilt. "She refused all treatment. It was like she lost all her will to live after that. I watched her grow weaker and weaker until she just faded away. I held her hand as she died. I loved her so much, Mitch...I was never the same."