How It Could Have Went

Gale POV

I can hear Katniss climbing the hill before I see her. I've been here since 4. I haven't been able to sleep well since dad died, even though that was almost 4 years ago. I never have anything better to do so I just come here. It's quieter and the air is cleaner out here. Even though I lay on the rock, I still feel more rested after my naps out here than I ever do waking up at home. There's 0 logic behind that but apparently life doesn't follow logic.

I can tell by her heavy steps and the way that she flops onto the stone beside me that she's had another nightmare. That's part of the reason I come here. To provide her with something consistent when the rest of her world is lying broken at her feet. It kills me to see her like this but I don't know what to do. We're best friends sure, but neither of us open up like that to each other. To be honest, neither of us open up like that to anyone. I know she talks to Peeta and I know that helps but I can tell that there are things she's hiding even from him. I couldn't watch her. I felt so frickin guilty because while she was stuck in an arena with 23 other kids all wanting to kill her, I was sitting here, safe. Yet I could not for the life of me force myself to sit down in front of the TV and support her like everyone else in the district did. It's not that I didn't want to be there for her or that I didn't have faith in her. It's just… if something did happen to her in there, I couldn't watch her die. That's about the lamest thing anyone has ever done. She's off fighting for her life while I can't even man up enough to support my best friend. I feel like such an ass even now, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

She surprises me when she lays her head on my shoulder. She's never done that before. I don't mind. Sorta. I don't mind her laying there but I know it means something’s wrong. Or getting worse. I want to ask her but she's fallen asleep and I know better than to wake her. I know she wouldn't mind but I don't want to cut down on her rest even more than the games already have. She deserves some peace after all she's been through.