whip out your dick and prepare for a whoppin

a fieri day

"Aurora sweaty get up for school and embrace the day! It's beautiful!" My mom said to me sweetly.

"Fuck you and fuck this day! I hope you drown in a swamp of your own pathetic tears you whore!" I yell.

My mom goes off sobbing and I sneer at her, "Pussy ass bitch can't touch this." I then moonwalk out the door and head to my last day of school, assuring to put on my favourite black cape as I do so.

I show up fashionably late as per usual, and kick down the door upon entry because these bitches need to know who the fuck is running this shit.

"AURORA!" My teacher yells, "DETENTIONNNNNN!"

"Nah b this is the last day my bro. I ain't goin fuckin nowhere. You know what? I'm out bitches." Naruto-running down the halls I kick down another door. This time, it's the principal's office.

"By gosh golly son what in the name of jimmy are you doing? Nearly gave this old fella a heart attack. When I was your age people knocked before whacking doors down all willy nilly"

"You old ass smelly ass bitch ass pig, I might as well muthafuckin roast you with my sweet burns and call you dinner"

He looked taken aback my my harsh attack. "Why now young man that's no way to talk to an adult. I'm gonna get my rooty tooty point and shooty and see how brave you are then"

Triggered, I rip my shirt and my over-the-shoulder-bolder-holder in half to reveal my titties. "See these bro? These be motherfucking jugs. I ain't no sir cause I be ridin that d like there's no tomorrow"

"Oh gosh golly me oh my this a lawsuit waiting to happen." He then looks to his window and jumps out into the bushes.

I consider his actions a forfeit and decide that i should take on his title of principal, which i'm under qualified for but frankly nothing i do could be considered allowable in most peoples day to day life's, so i take his seat and prepare to run this shit. just then, a wild guy fieri appears, it's jakes dad.

"i was called in today because my son has been expelled and this is UNACCEPTABLE. I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO SLANDER THE FIERI NAME."

Enticed, i lean forward over the desk, my tits smashing the keyboard, i then realized i'm completely naked from the pants up. uncertain of how to proceed i decide not to acknowledge my nudity, and instead try to act as though i am in fact the principal of this school. "well sir i can assure you i don't really give a fuck about whatever your son did, what's his name?"

Guy fieri then wall sits mid air in front of me, so our faces are level. "well MADAM, it appears we are at a crossroad here.."

"well GOODSIR i don't see why?? i just asked for your sons name?? christ i see why my predecessor jumped out the window ten minutes ago, you people are unbelievable difficult. also why are you sitting like that's? there's a chair next to you you weird ass bitch"

"THE GRIND NEVER STOPS MLADY"

"omg what's your sons name??? i'm tryna delete his expulsion cause i too have been expelled time and time again. but if you really wanna square up i suppose i can fit it in my jam packed schedule."

"well u frickin nOoB his name is none other than JACOBETHALEXANDRE FIRERI"

"summon him to my office at once. i will find a shirt and then i will fix all his problems. tell me guy, is your sun as spicy as you? you fiery lil fat man?"

i stare fieri in the eyes, as grease from his sexy hair drips down his face, for three minutes straight, as jake is called up to meet me. I lick my lips as the door finally opens. jake walked in, the family resemblance undeniable. he  wore a burton up flame shirt and the spikes in his hair were so fieri you couldn't ignore it. just the vision of jake, just laying my eyes upon the masterpiece that he is cause my loins to burn with the fire of desire. jacob looks me up and down and then puts the binder he was holding to his crotch, his eyes resting a little lower than my face.

"so jake, i'm gonna you reinstate as a student because i've taken over as principal since i kinda killed the other one. but on one condition," i say and immediately look directly at his dick.

guy fieri immédiately comes between us, somehow still holding the air sit. "you gotta get through me first". then, a rock flies through the window and knocks guy in the head, he passes out cold.

"one of my enemies has finally come for me" jake and i both say at the same time. realizing how undeniably meant to be we are we make loving eye contact, and i know immediately he's my one and only.

Suddenly, a fat man, bigger than guy, summersaults through the window, sending glass everywhere, "OW FUCK FUCK I FORGOT WHERE THE WINDOW WAS CLOSED yeehaw"

"my current arch nemesis! jake we must flee, and quickly at that." i grab jakes hand and i try to run but before i can escape, the previously mentioned fat mans hurls the previously mentioned rock at my head, and i fall over. Jake for some reason decides is a good time to fling himself over me like i was a grenade and very aggressively wrap his arms and legs around me. we merge into one entity in that moment and begin to barrel role out of the school.

i considered my first interaction with a man of the opposite gender to be a smashing success, though incredibly nerve racking. it was so nerve racking, that i actually began to shake. which, usually would be fine, but jake is still currently laying on me, and i am accidentally twerking on him.
jake breathes deeply in my ear.

"don't stop baby" jake whispers seductively. as much as i liked where this was going, my entire body ached from having barrel rolled down a stair case and through a whole school. also, we were just kinda laying out front the school and hadn't really resolved any of our problems.

the principal calls our names as he violently cartwheels towards us down the side of the building at the speed of light. "we gotta get out of here scooby" i whisper seductively.

my adrenaline kicks in. i know exactly what to do. i tell jake to made a u shape with his body, arms and legs pointing upwards. i mount him, my legs connect with his. my hands grasp his. we roll like a pinwheel faster than any car that has ever ventured the road.

"we roll. we roll farther than i'd even imagine possible. i somehow navigate us toward my house." i déclaré as confidently as i can.
"HIYAAAHH" I scream as i lean forward towards the ground, rolling, only smashing my spine in the progress. "GOTTA GO FASSTTTTTT"
jake stands up slowly. "well this has been the most exciting day of my life, and it's all thanks to you. it's not even like i live a boring life, i'm a mall cop and you should see some of the crazy ass people i've had to nearly murder"

"ill actually murder some ppl if it means i'm closer to u bb"

"cute and completely fucking insane. just my type!" jake smiles at me. he picks up my hand and forces me into a fist bump before doing a backflip and running home. jake suddenly stops running and begins doing back handsprings in my direction until he lands in the splits in front of me and bangs his pussy on the ground. "this ass can be urs if you agree to go out with my babe"

"name your terms and conditions."

"throw that ass back in a circle"

"so i see being vague runs in the fieri blood"

"chucky cheese. seven pm. i'll be here and if you aren't i'll make sure you regret it. bitch. anyway byeeeee"

and that's the story of how i landed my first date.