throughout my teenage years i've noticed something. i always get randomly depressed for a period of time and then really happy! so happy i would clean my whole house and make new friends and change everything about myself sing songs so loud my mom yelled at me danced around kitchens like there was something in me commanding KEEP GOING KEEP MOVING GOGOGOGOGOGO and god did i keep going. there's a name for this it turns out. manic depression, also known as bipolar disorder. i didn't know there was a name for it though, until i was 16. the summer of 2016 i was at a low point again. i stopped eating again and started to self harm once more. i would stay in my room with my windows covered. complete darkness. i wouldn't move. i couldn't. i didn't bathe i didn't get up to hang out with my friends... this is what my depression looked like. i started watching this show called shameless though, and everything changed. they gave a name to what i was feeling by making ian bipolar. (if you haven't see this show i highly suggest it) suddenly everything made sense, but this didn't help me. i felt ashamed. this time i didn't have anything to cling to. i was alone and i was bipolar. how the hell did i let this happen?
