after my collapse once i realized i was bipolar, i found music. twenty one pilots specifically. on my bad nights i was blast their self titled album through my headphones and close my eyes. this is what made me want to stay alive. i felt like i had to apologize to the music, for crying along. i used to whisper i'm sorry as tyler would sing about why it was so important for us to keep going because he needed us to keep him going. that was my motivation. some people might find this weird, that i was living because i wanted tyler to keep living. he doesn't know me. he wouldn't notice if i was dead. but when you're depressed you hold on to things like this. you hold on to anything. i got out of bed and i started living. for tyler, for myself, and for everyone who lives with mental illnesses.
