Phan oneshots

Voicemail

Car radio part 2

"Hey, it's Phil! I can't come to the phone right now, but please leave me a message and I will call back asap! Bye!" The beep sounded on the other line and Dan took a deep breath.
"Hey Phil, it's me, Dan. This is really weird, I have no idea why I'm even doing this. But PJ said it could help, so I'm trying it out. I'm skeptical, but you would've wanted me to try it, so I am." Dan sighed, running a hand through his dirty hair.
"I don't know what to say. What do you say to your dead boyfriend's voicemail? I don't know. I know I should be telling you how much I love you and that I know you would want me to move on, so that's exactly what I'm gonna do, but I would be lying. And I hate lying to you. I do love you, Phil, so much, but I'm never getting over you. That's impossible. Everyone keeps saying I have to at some point to live my life, but as I have told you so many times before, I can't imagine a life without you. I'm not suicidal though, don't worry, but I don't really want to live, I don't want to love, I just don't feel like doing anything. I miss you. That's it for now I guess. I'll call you soon. Love you. Bye." Dan hung up his phone with a sigh, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. This was ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous, but it made him forget for a bit when he heard Phil's voice, so alive. So happy. Dan had been there when he recorded it, and his laugh could be heard in the background if you listened closely. He dropped his phone on the bed beside him, burying his face in the duvet. He was exhausted. He hadn't been sleeping since the funeral. He hadn't wanted to go. But he didn't go for himself. He went for PJ, for Phil's mum, for everyone that was there. Joe had even been there, but he didn't talk to anyone, he didn't even look at anyone. He just stood there, completely still. Dan knew he felt bad about what had happened, but so did Dan, so he didn't feel the need to speak to him. He had hugged Phil's mum as she cried, mourning the loss of both her sons. Dan felt such incredible guilt, but he didn't say anything. He didn't want to risk her hating him. Phil had been so scared when he found out, but in his last moment, he smiled up at Dan, and said it was okay. That he still loved him and always would, no matter what. Dan stared up at the blank white ceiling. Phil had wanted to put something on it, pictures or stars but Dan had said no. He wished he hadn't said no. He stared up at the ceiling until dawn. He didn't move, he didn't speak, but his mind was screaming. He hated it. The fact that he was no longer able to silence his mind. He had always been able to, but after loosing Phil, no music could tune it out. He was trying his best to hold onto himself, the self Phil had brought out in him, but he was just so empty, so lifeless. Just as Phil had been and was. Lifeless. Dead. Gone. And there was nothing he or anyone else could do about it. So he picked up his phone and pressed the first numbed.
"Hey, it's Phil! I can't come to the phone right now, but please leave me a message and I will call back asap! Bye!" Dan sniffled as the tears started streaming.
"Hey Phil, it's me. Oh god, I miss you. I already said it I know, but I miss your smile, your black hair, that weird white stripe, your laugh, the way you always covered your mouth when you laughed, I miss your voice, your kiss, your lips, your skin. I miss your touch, I miss the way you made me feel alive. And I miss your eyes. I love your eyes. They were never the same colour and they always seemed to light up. Even when you were shot, right in the gut, your eyes still shone with life when you talked to me. But then it was gone. Your life was gone and now you're dead and I don't know what to do or what to feel, Phil. I need you. That's all I know. I gotta go now, PJ is waiting for me. I love you, and I miss you, so much. Bye."

"Hey, it's Phil! I can't come to the phone right now, but please leave me a message and I will call back asap! Bye!"
"Hey Phil, me again. Sorry I haven't talked to you since yesterday, PJ took my phone away. He's the one who told me to do this, but now he's saying it's unhealthy and whatever. I don't care. I need this. I need to be able to hear your voice when I want to. I know he means well though, and I'm grateful to have him. He's the only one who knows what I've done and doesn't care, he takes care of me. We moved out of town though, after the funeral. He didn't want me so close to the guys and your mum, so he decided we would move. We live in London now, which is nice. He met a guy too. He's saying they're just friends, but I can see through him. The guys name is Chris, he's nice enough, perfect for PJ. I totally ship them." Dan chuckled.
"I miss you, bye." And he hung up. PJ was standing in the doorway leaning against the door with disapproving green eyes.
"This isn't good for you, Dan. You need to get over him." PJ said softly but Dan shook his head.
"You're wrong. I don't need to let him go, I need to cope, survive without him. That's it." Dan explained looking directly into PJ's eyes. He nodded and smiled at Dan.
"Dinner is ready." Dan nodded and stood up, following PJ to the kitchen.