Dear Manik,
I've never been good at talking. It was always you. You knew how to be expressive. Whenever I try to express the emotions whirling in my soul, my throat tightens blocking me from saying anything. You're a whiff of sunshine to me. You were always there for me every time I chased after one obsession or another. You quietly stood by my side supporting me. Though I didn’t know it at the time, I loved you, you were more than just a best friend to me. I could tell you things easily and you just listened. You always made me laugh. I thought I had my life figured out, but I didn’t. Without my knowing from the moment I first saw you real love began to take shape in my heart. You didn’t know I was there, but I looked at you then and realized that I loved you. You are so different. You cared. Love radiated in your heart spilling out into the lives of all those around you. You weren’t just pretty on the outside you had a beauty somewhere deep within. You knew, what it meant to give all, even when you had nothing. Six months down to our marriage, and we never had a relation of that kind. But I want it know. I want to feel, what it means to be a woman. A woman in herself. Enough of those barriers. It's over for me. Just when, you'll read this letter, I want you to make your feelings raw and come to me. I'll be waiting for you, under the moonlight, where there'd be no one, other than you and me.
And yes, don't be late. I'm waiting.
I love you.
Shanaya.
The paper crumpled as my fingers clenched into a fist and then I threw away the paper ball. I'd found that letter on my pillow. I was broken to know about her death. I came back from work, when I saw hundreds of missed calls. In the meeting, my phone was on silent and I didn't even know, when everything turned upside down.
She loved me. She wanted to talk about this tonight. She was going to take a step ahead. But then, she left?
I came back home hours ago, and saw her body lifeless. Mom Dad took her home and since then, they were crying incoherently. Shanaya was their sunshine. I couldn't see them breaking. As I went closer, I could see tears recoiling in my head. She was there, on the bed, covered with white sheet. Blood stains on her forehead, and bruises on her entire body. Her face was brutally demolished and no one could recognize her. Her car and identifications helped us.
I reached on her body and helplessly retrenched back.
A mist, with silent steps. My eyes fell on her figure, my heart drenched by fear did not throb any longer. Everything fading into abyss. My eyes on her; burning coal with no shape. Numb, I could not feel anything around me. Eyes struggling to move I looked at my her face twisting through my blending vision. Paralyzed in fear, I felt my breath being taken. I closed my eyes and trembled.
"Uske maang mein sindoor bhardo. Suhagan Mari hai woh", people out there, spoke. Mom came with vermilion in her hand and I couldn't feel my hands. They were trembling. With my shaking hands, I took a pinch of it, and applied it on her hardly visible forehead.
She was there, lying lifeless, being nothing but Suhagan.
She was there. I couldn't help, but cry incoherently. I didn't just lose my wife, I lost a part of my heart. If that was love, I didn't know. She loved me and I wish I could hear her saying that.
"Shanayaaaa", I shouted and cried over and over again.
Death. She died. I cannot believe this.
I cried as if the ferocity of it might bring Shanaya back; as if by the sheer force of my grief the news would be undone. She was my wife and she could not be gone. What if I didn't love her? She was my best friend, before. My caretaker. She knew how to handle me. She was there, when I cried at night. She was there, when I fell sick. In just a course of six months, she taught me to be loyal. She taught me to be faithful.
And I was almost cheating on her.
"Shanayaaaa... Please come back", my tears were hysterical Now. I felt myself being suffocated.
She can't die. She can't.
"Shanaya", I caressed her picture. My lids were heavy. The pillow was wet and my whimpers were now my muffled cries.
~~~~~~~~~
Nandini's POV
I was staring at the moonlight, alone trying to decipher it's beauty. I was thoughtful about the day. It turned out to be the most eventful one. Manik and I got trapped in a lift. My claustrophobic attack, and his way of consoling. His words still lingered on my head. And then, in the meeting how he rescued me from Ronnie.
I remembered how emotional, I became. And in the heat of the moment, how I hugged him. But then something happened. I marveled though. He saw his phone and called someone. I couldn't apprehend listening just to his side of story. But then, his expressions changed. He dangled with misery. There was fear and extravagant melancholy.
I was about to ask him, what happened. But before that, he ran from there. He ran within a swift. He didn't wait for me. He didn't even ask to drop me. I followed him, but before I could realize, his car had already swerved out of my sight. I was baffled and stunned. He wasn't someone to leave a girl, there. My heart was beating erratically and my instincts were getting high.
Something was wrong, very wrong.
I need to know that.
"Nandini", I turned hearing Navya. "It's already so late. You should sleep"
"I don't know Navya", I huffed. She gestured me to sit on the couch, and we both sat on adjacent corners. "I've a feeling that there's something wrong. It's making my heart faster. I don't know, what's wrong"
"Look Nandini, they're just vibes. We all get. But we shouldn't get serious about them. Okay?", she said and ruffled my hair like a mother. Navya was after all my number one supporter and my coping mechanism.
"Navya"
"Hmm?"
"Do you think loving Manik is right", I asked her, staring deep. It was just the thought, which had been inside my head.
She pondered and remained silent. I urged her to say and she sighed.
"Nandini, kya galat hai kya sahi hai. Iska faisla lene wale hum Kaun hai. Woh upar Betha hai na. Woh sochega", she said.
I couldn't say more. I just snuggled in her lap and slept, thinking about the day. What's done, was already done. I loved Manik and there's nothing more, I can do it.
I love you, Manik.
Just when I uttered, my heart pounded incoherently and I slept. I slept hoping, things would get only better, by the next day. But who knew, a tornado was already waiting.
~~~~~~~~
I cried writing this. Shanaya was one of the purest souls. But it's planned. Do give your reviews.
