The Hope of Scotland

~1~

She was cold. Frozen to be exact. But, yet again they were speaking over the shot and the idea that they were aiming for and if everything was perfect for the shot as well. Another shiver wracked her body as they finally looked at her.

"Done for now." they said as they reviewed more things.

"Ja, takk." she shot at them as she made a beeline to her room.

She did whatever she could to get warm, the numbing of her fingers getting worse as she barely felt her toes. Once in the room, she buried herself under blankets and clothes, trying to gain her feelings back. She hated this world, hated it all. For years, she was trying to look for an escape out of it before it became too much on her. The people demanded her to look the way they wanted, to fit the mold they wanted every woman to be, yet she felt like hell. People used to be her worst enemy, but as of late, it was the mirror and her own mind. It was the very thought that made her want to-

"Siobhan?" she heard someone knock.

"Ja?"

"We're ready for the next round. Outfit on the left rack is what's needed, make-up will be done out here." they said through the door, "Your father said you have an important meeting afterwards as well so be presentable."

The footsteps faded away as her stomach lurched into her throat. There was only one reason he would have meeting during photo shoots. Her mind screamed at her as the sickening thoughts piled up in her head, making the room spin at an ungodly speed. Crawling to the waste basket, she let up her stomach, or what was left of it as her mind plagued her. Her tears stung her eyes as she tried to lose more of herself. She hated it, hated it all and herself. The only true happiness she found was in her sleep, where the women laid. S, strong and noble, vibrant ladies of the years yet her heart leaned toward the man she saw upon the hills. Watching over the vast land as his smoky smell hit her, his kilt lightly moving in the breeze as his white shirt barely laid upon his body. He was godlike and damn near gorgeous to her. Yet every time she tried to get near, she awoke as the reality of the world slammed her back down.

She wanted to get away. To see what she dreamed, but as a set of knocks came to the door, she knew it would never be.

"I hate this place." she said aloud.

She walked down the walkway as fast as she could, attempting to avoid her father and the eye of the public as she tried to keep her food intake down. She could still feel that old pervert's hands on her, touching and moaning as she laid there. Her father gave her no choice as he stood behind the door, listening that he got his money's deal. Too long that had gone on and too long she let it happen. She was legal of age, yet she let that worthless dog control her life like that.

Passing shops and stores, she saw herself within the glass. Her eyes slightly darker than normal as her hair messy as well in its bun. Nobody bothered, thinking she was just a regular woman making her living in the world around her, but they were so wrong. The more she looked the more she saw the disgusting creature before her. Fat and grotesque with her body so disproportioned, she wanted to vomit right then and there.

Siobhan took off down the street to the hotel she knew laid behind the last shop. She had to get away from it all, just had to. With shaky hands, she gained a room with the extra cash the pervert gave her and hid away from the world. She looked at the quaint room as she made her way to the bathroom, repeating her self-mantra of hate and needs. After bringing up what she could, she laid upon the bed, hoping and praying she could stay in the world she dreamed of.

A thought popped into her head. The library. The woman from the library told her to go there, that answers and reasons waited for her in those lands. Siobhan sat up as her words buzzed in her head. How she, herself, traveled from Russia to Norway to find the sights she looked for as well as she dreamed of women too. With it, she found the man in her dreams as well. She sat there and pondered the thought that there was someone there waiting for her, wanting to love her as she would love them. Yet her mind screamed at her. That no one would want a lard like her, such a fucked-up mess that not even the Pope could clean her soul.

"Allister." she heard someone whisper.

Siobhan jumped off the bed in a fright, looking around to see who spoke to her, yet she was alone. There was no one near her, no one next to her in the rooms either. She was totally alone.

"Allister?" she said aloud, wondering if it would happen again.

"Allister." it did it again, two voices lining the name.

"What about him, who are you?" she demanded to the air.

Suddenly she felt, weary. Sleepiness overtook her as she ended up back on the bed. Her body relaxed as her mind went to a different world. With a blink of her eyes, she saw the battle grounds of Dunbar Castle as the English tried to overtake the place, yet the woman stood strong, holding her grounds as she stared them down, ready for them to attempt anything more. The smile upon her cheeks was all Siobhan needed to know that she meant serious business and dared the men to enter.

"Not bad lassie." she heard someone behind her.

Her mind whirled as the woman came to view just to shock her. She knew the history of Black Agnes and how she thwarted of the English as she protected her castle, yet as she looked at the woman, her mind was a mess, for she looked like her.

"I do what I need." she said, getting down from her spot.

Siobhan watched as Agnes meandered to a man, yet this was no ordinary man. It was him. Yet now, she had a full view of him. Dark rusty red hair was atop of his head as green eyes glanced down, his body sharp and lean with muscle as the smell of tobacco came off him.

"And ya need to not mope and do what ya need. I know losing William was tough, but now ye and that Frenchman have what it takes to do what ya need to." she cupped his cheek as he gave her a warm smile.

Her world blurred for a second just to land her in the halls of a castle. She heard the quick footsteps of someone making their way down a hall, curiosity gaining the best of her. Following in wonder, she saw a woman open a door and quickly run in. Finding the door and opening it, she found herself once more looking at a mirror of herself. The woman stood before the desk within the room, only her nightgown present upon her. A low chuckle filled the room as she saw the same man stand before the woman.

"Mary, ya being very naughty."

"Only for now." she smiled at him, "He's asleep. A dull night like usual."

"Well then, ya Highness, the usual?"

"Yes Allister, the usual."

Before she could move it whirled once more to see him standing at the graves of both of those women, staring down at them in such a melancholy stance that it nearly broke Siobhan's heart.

"I promise to ya both, I will never love like I love ye both."

Her head shot off the mattress below her as everything played in her head again. She was shaking as she tried to gain her mindset and her ability to move and speak.

"Allister."

She nodded slowly to the voices she heard, now realizing it was the two women within her dreams. Now she knew it was no longer time to sit and dwell on what would happen. She knew what she would do and how to get to that point. And nothing was stopping her.

"Alright then, looks like I'm going to Scotland."