The Hope of Scotland

~6~

Siobhan felt her body twitch and shake as she tried not to lose herself once more. Since the other day, she was fighting. Fighting demons that clawed at her mind and body, her own body raging against her as she tried to eat and slow herself down from her old routines. Yet it was nearly killing her.

She felt her heart racing against her chest as she tried to calm her mind down along with the rising bile sitting at the top of her throat. She wanted to let go so bad, to end what she was feeling. No, there was no end. All that would do is set her back from her last record of time and issues. And with it, a notch closer to being sent away.

"Holding up?" she heard someone ask.

It wasn't hard to think who, she knew the stern medical voice throughout the days as she tried her damnedest to end this issue.

"So far."

"You are doing good, I can't complain." Juliet said sitting beside her as Elizabeth grunted in anger at her, "Fussy girl."

Siobhan smiled at the girl, reaching her hand over to her to tickle her toes, "It's stressful in here."

"Yes, and she senses it my dear. Which is why I'm telling you to relax." the woman reminded, "Please, why don't you speak with Marie and Marissa, they're willing to help you over the computer and speak with you that way."

"It's complicated."

"Complicated or scared?"

"Juliet-"

"Don't."

Siobhan stared at the woman, the strict gaze of medical and mother instincts laid in those eyes, "Fine, I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"It really. It's hard to explain. There's a part of me that wants to face this and then there's another part that's screaming at me to run away and never look back. I'm trying, really I am. It's just..."

She trailed off as she felt herself sink deeper within herself, a small voice in her head asking for Allister and his comfort.

"It's the unknown."

"Pardon?" her head shot up.

"The unknown, that's what you're afraid of." Juliet replied, "I was that way after Damian."

"Damian?"

Juliet gave a small sigh, "Yes, Damian. He was my first boyfriend and he made an impact on me so deep I thought that I would never escape. It took a long time to get out of it, that hole that was made. There are times I have to hold Arthur to me to just anchor myself to the present when he raises his voice. I know he's not mad at me and lord he would die before hurting me, but there is that little voice that tells you otherwise. That's the unknown. That is what you are afraid of."

She was right. Like 'nail on the head by the hammer' right. Siobhan sat back in her seat, letting her words sit in and roll in her mind. She was afraid of what was to come, that something could send her back or that things weren't what she thought it would be.

"Know this," Juliet began, "Allister is as strong as it gets. Not saying my husband isn't, but when it comes to things like this, he has a better hold than the others. It's why he holds his head higher. He watched as their mother faded and took on the roll as guardian to them all, doing whatever he thought was right for them. Yes, there were wars between them all and some bitter nastiness here and there, but look at them all today. Every Kirkland, either by Britannia or by colony. They stand strong together, no matter the fight."

Siobhan smiled, "Thank you Juliet."

"You're welcome dear." she replied, "I always believe there is a time when you need someone to point you in the right direction to get where you need to."