The Hope of Scotland

~5~

Loath. Anger. Hurt. That's all she could feel at that moment. His words still rang in her head as Allister took her away and tried his best to get her to smile for him. Tried to get her to eat, to drink anything, hell even really speak to him but she was silent. Not that she wanted to be, she wanted to tell him no to it all. To tell him he was doing just fine helping her but if she opened her mouth she knew she'd lose it right then and there. Could feel it at the top of her throat still. She was lucky enough that he left for a mere few minutes for her to escape and let go. Her hand still had the indents of her teeth as she gagged herself to bring up more. But as Allister said, there was nothing left in her.

Siobhan looked out the window over the capital, finding buildings and shops that he told her about and what each one held. She tried focusing on them, just to notice her reflection staring at her against the glass. Fat and unclean, a bastard of a child and filthy woman, that's what she saw. Siobhan buried her face in her arms as she sat upon the nook, wanting to disappear within herself.

"Siobhan?" she heard him call out, "Siobhan are ya awake?"

She heard him enter the room as she hummed a reply. Before long, he was beside her and rubbing small circles on her back, humming a small, comforting tune. She leaned into him, letting the moment take her mind away, hoping that deep within it would silence her monsters away.

"Come here lassie." she felt his arms wrap around her, lifting her to sit upon his lap.

Laying her head upon his chest, she heard the steady heartbeat that laid underneath it. She never realized how soothing that really was, just to listen to someone's heartbeat that she cared for. Cared for, those very words rang in her head as her own thoughts donned on her of her feelings. She cared for him like he cared for her, maybe even more. Her hand laid against his chest as she took in everything she had gained from him. She adored him really, from his boisterous attitude and loud accent, to the sweet and gentle heart she had seen him devote to his family and her. His red tangled mess of hair came to her mind along with his piercing green eyes, two things she never thought she'd find attractive on someone yet on him, was damn near perfect. He continued humming as he rubbed her back, taking her free hand with his other, letting his fingers trace hers. He paused only for a moment when he ran his fingers over the indents upon her hand.

"Siobhan?" his voice was laced in worry and knowing.

Dammit. He knew. He knew she binged and let herself sink away. She pulled away from him, just to see herself in the mirror across the room. She couldn't understand what he saw, how he could see her pretty or anything. She was disgusting in her mind. Inside and out.

"Lass, please." he begged lightly as she shook off his hands

"No Allister."

"Siobhan."

"It's old."

"Like hell it-"

"Just please Allister."

"But lass-"

"I'm just fine, so don't worry-"

"Siobhan!" he shouted, scaring her as he gave her a stern look. "I ain't stupid lass, so don't play me as so. I ain't trying to be a dick, I swear, but lass this has to come to an end."

"It's not that simple Allister."

"I know it ain't. Believe me, I've read the articles and book about the things. It terrifies me Siobhan, it really does. I know you see yerself being fat, saw yer calorie book as well, but lass, ye're not fat. Far from it. Yer almost too damn skinny, I can see every bone in ya and that's not right."