Forever, my hayaat

Sacred Heart

She's confused. He's not it. No. What does she sees in him? A thousand question entered her mind, almost making her head explode.

Why?Why? Why? she question herself, desperate for an answer.

Here stood a muslim teenage girl, who is only 16, sitting alone at her desk in the classroom.

Confused all alone, this feeling is killing her. She developed a weird feeling in her innocent self.

She bore holes through her desk. Why? She choked a sob. It's been 5 months, but it seems to her it was forever.

She's stressed over nothing. Why? Because she got feelings for someone she's craving. Someone who is not going to return her feelings.

Who?

Aarif. Aarif Ismail. No, it's not like everyone's favourite cliché, he is someone ordinary, with dark raven hair, making his white skin stand out,
alongside with his hazel brown eyes. Friendly, a jerk she would sometimes hate, and everyone's favourite.

Which is absolutely an opposite for her.

She's innocent, warm with smiles, gifted with big, dark eyes, long lashes and pinkish skin. She is a beauty. But she is also an introvert. Super, introvert. She is too shy to make any contact with the opposite gender, even towards her dad and her brother she is cautious. She is just... afraid too much of guys.

So, this is her, clenching her abaya, receiving a constant grief for something or someone she wants, dearest to her heart, knowing that he will not be hers, knowing he is not feeling the same way as she did.

This is just too much for her to handle.

A sudden knock makes her freezes from her place, wiping her tears quickly as she doesn't want anyone to discover that she cried.

She turned and see Farhan walking inside the classroom, laughing to something that Ibrahim had said, not realizing what she is doing.

Sighing of relief, she sat down and open her diary, something that she would do often to kill time. She came to school early than everyone, only to find herself broke in silent tears when she realizes her one-sided feeling towards Aarif.

As time passes by, everyone starts to fill the classroom, now making the class more lively than before.

She greets her friend and went to do whatever she's doing, but stop when she sees Aarif. He smiled at the sight of his friends.

She looked down.

I couldn't bear this. Hurts all the time.

She stayed like that for a moment, and looked up when she feels like someone is looking at her.
She could feel herself flinch.

Aarif.

They looked somewhere else when their eyes met. She couldn't take it anymore and went to the toilet after Azreen, her best friend asks her what's wrong.

She closed her diary, hurriedly walked to the bathroom, only to errupt soft cries, not liking the very idea that people will found her crying. She closed her mouth with her hands, closing her eyes.

She felt the world swallowing her whole, she felt like she had just dipped her head inside the lake of darkness, causing her to close her eyes even more tight, despising the thought of reality.

She calmed herself down and splashes cold water running from the tap, and looked at her reflection in the mirror.

She breathed deeply, constantly feels like she had just revived from a long dream, allowing reality to face her.