All Hail The Psycho!☠ #watty2017

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© Chremorocks 2017

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i.

Most times I find it funny how people gave you the opportunity to ruin them.

Be it in the case of selling a criminal a gun or giving the flipping fuckboy your damn heart. It always ended up with someone getting hurt or gravely disappointed.

In my case, her mistake was letting them give me the microphone.

With a grin wider than an over banged cünt, I walked with my head high towards the stage and took the mic from the scrawny MC. As he passed me to leave the stage, he gave me a wary look as though he didn't trust my future actions, but I only smiled much wider.

Whatever he thought, was right.

I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good, I thought as I faced my audience. Their chattering died down immediately. The silence and their eyes fixed on me gave me more courage and I exhaled happily. It was payback time.

'Life's a biatch! Am I right fellas?'

I laughed and stood quiet for a moment, mimicking the silence of my unfortunate audience.

'Well I think it is, ya know from experience and all.'

I tapped my microphone and blew into it, I giggled like a four year old as it made a piercing screeching noise causing my audience to place their hands over their ears. Poor souls.

'Testing one two three. Okay it works......Wait! Just wait a minute. Y'all should confess now, whose idea was it to let me give this speech?' I said and staggered a bit. I scanned the room and shook my head as no one came forward to admit their crime. 'So no one then, I see. Y'all are good cooperative liars ya know?" I paused for a bit. 'Anywhoo I'm sure you folks gave me this opportunity cause I'm a really really good person, true?'

I heard some people snicker at my self given compliment. I smirked. Why give a shit what they think?

'Sure I am. So back to why I'm up here. Yes! Speeches-peaches!....So uh... yes! Again with the yes? Yes? Okay....so this is the part I wish you lovely things right? Wrong!'

A menacing laughter escaped me and as soon as I saw the brows of the puffy haired bride, I laughed even harder.

'Yes!!! No, oh! Yes. I wish you whatever is bound to happen to you both all your horrible years together. Just so you know, they're bad things. God I hate speeches....and peaches too..' I let out a hiccup and then remained quiet trying to register the scowls that were pointed at me.

'Ah surely I'll have to give her praises huh? Good words from the bride's sister blah blah. I mean they made me recite a long boring script full of those and she didn't even make me her freaking bridesmaid. That was a terrible stab in my fragile heart.' I said with a bogus saddened expression, then I brought my hand up to my chest, 'oh! the horror.'

I sighed exaggeratedly. 'Okay okay, I won't be selfish now it's about the bride.' I said and then grinned, 'allll about the bride.'

'Oh my dear dear sister you're quite a handful. Believe me Armstrong when I say this about your wife, I mean I've had her exes testify of how her ass was always too big to grope properly. Their hands could never cover the mass.' I said and then pretended to think for a moment, 'I think your brother said same thing the night they were both drunk. He also said his sausage got quite a massage between those buns of hers. Damn you should have been there, I swear I couldn't sleep over their passionate animal noises.'