Cafe - phan

three

I walk through the door of my apartment, my roommate and best friend, James, is playing video games on our couch.

I change out of my work clothes and into my blue plaid pyjama pants and a black t-shirt. I flop onto my bed and pull my fluffy, grey duvet around my shoulders. My light blue walls calm me after a long day at work.

I open iMessage on my phone and add Dan's number. What do I send first? Is "Hi" too basic and uncool? Is "Hey" too cool? Will it look like I'm trying to hard? Would I sound too desperate if I just got straight to the point and said: "Hey you're hot, let's skip coffee and fuck."

Okay, yes, that is definitely too direct. 

I clear my thoughts and just type whatever feels right, I wanted to be myself and not some scripted robot. He'll like me for who I am... right?

Hey, this is Phil from the coffee shop! Thought I'd add your number before I forgot.

I press send before I have time to rethink what I'm saying. I close my phone and throw it across my bed, I burrow deeper into my blanket. I anxiously await his response, yet feel too nervous to look.

He'll probably text back "Ew, loser. I don't wanna go out with you!" Or maybe Ashton Kutcher with bust through my door with a camera crew screaming "You just got punk'd!" That might be cool actually, I would be famous. I would be turned down by a hot guy and sad, but at least I would get to be on Punk'd.

My phone dings, I move even farther under my blanket. The sound my phone made was definitely negative, not that my phone is capable of making different sounding 'dings' for each type of text. Just, whatever. I have the gut feeling something bad is going to happen, cause why would such a cute guy like me?

Curiosity gets the best of me and I reach over to pick up my phone;

hey, i didn't realize you'd be off work so soon. i'm glad i caught you before you left.

I smile widely as butterflies fill my stomach. I wonder if he had been thinking about me all day too. I mean, probably not, he did say he was writing an exam. I shake off the feelings of doubt and begin to type back;

Me too. I'm excited for tomorrow, want to meet at the shop? 

I hear a knock at my door, "Yeah?" I say

"I'm ordering pizza, want any?" James asks.

"Yes! I always want pizza!" 

I excitedly exit my room to find James on the phone ordering a large pepperoni pizza. Shockingly, he even paused his game to do so, a rare sight for him. 

"James, have you seriously just been sitting there all day?" I wait till he ends the call to ask. 

"I'll get a job soon, mate! Don't worry about it!" he unpauses his game and is immediately back in his element. 

"I'm a tad worried about it." I say, "As much as I love your mom we can't just keep living off her money, we're adults now"

"It's not like your minimum wage job is paying all of the rent," he smirks

"At least I'm trying!" I say

He doesn't say anything, his eyes flicker between characters on his stupid hockey game, fingers moving quickly. It's like he hasn't been listening to me the entire time!

I shake it off because I don't feel like having a petty argument at the moment. I grab my phone and see I've missed a message from Dan from 10 minutes ago;

why don't you send me your address and i'll come to get you & we can walk over together (assuming you don't live far..)

Again, I am grinning like a big goof. I guess I was right about the romantic side of this boy. I text him back my address happily and resume my natural state of twitter scrolling. No matter how many memes I view, nothing seems to take my mind off of Dan. His skin looked so soft, his eyes so kind, yet you could tell that there are intricacies to him that were yet to be discovered. It feels like I am in grade school again, except instead of falsely obsessing over a girl to appear straight, it is real and this time I actually have a shot. I pray that he is as good of a person he has shown to be so far

The buzzer goes off in the apartment, signalling that the pizza has arrived. Of course, James doesn't get up so I am left to answer the door. I pay and tell the delivery man to keep the change, the put the pizza down on the coffee table in front of James. His game is turned off as he flings open the box to reveal the beautiful food. 

"How's work been?" James says with food in his mouth. A habit I despise but have given up trying to scold him on after years of nagging. 

"Not too bad. I met someone today though," I can't help but continue to talk about my encounter with Dan this morning. 

"Oh yeah? Who's the unfortunate soul?" he jokes.

I roll my eyes at him, "Her name is Dan -- Danielle," I quickly correct myself. I have become familiar with lying about my relationships, as I still haven't come out to James. He isn't homophobic or anything, I just worry about what it would do to our friendship. People always assume that because I like boys it means I like all boys, and I truly just want to keep my friendship with James.

"We are meeting tomorrow afternoon." I continue.

"It's been a long time since you went on a date, last I remember was your high school girlfriend from years ago," he says, "Good for you, man."

Ah, yes, Jessica. I can recall my senior year when my dad asked me the horrid question;

"Are you gay?"

Obviously, the answer was, and still is, yes. Very much so, yes. But I quickly rejected him and then immediately asked my friend, Jessica, out on a date as a coverup. Ever since I've been too afraid to come out. I've been living a lie for too long now and I know there is no going back.

But, maybe with Dan, things could finally be different. 

//

~character development~ 

haha phan action to come.

-natalie