tainted love. ( shyan )

cherry skies. 1. (by jackiiewrites)

"I -- i'm sorry. I for -- forgive, agh -- y-you."

The words are labored, hoarse, tumbling out of Shane's mouth painfully slow. His head has fallen forward as if he can't support it anymore; his eyes are at the perfect angle to see Ryan's hand plunged deep in his chest. Ryan watches him carefully for a few moments, calculating what to do next.

Then he sneers, squeezing his fingers around Shane's heart and twisting his hand around, eliciting an agonized cry from the man in front of him. Shane's gasping for air now, struggling to catch any breath with the hand that is clamped around his heart. He struggles to keep breathing at all, loud groans falling past Shane's lips as his bouts of breath get shorter and shorter. Shane uses all of his strength to not slump over, casting his eyes up to meet Ryan's one last time; chocolate brown eyes meet fiery black ones.

And Ryan's immediate reaction is to squeeze harder, yanking his hand out of the other's chest and bringing his heart out with it. Ryan watches as the light leaves the taller boy's eyes. Shane immediately collapses, a crumpled body on the floor with blood leaking out of the gaping hole in his chest.

Ryan's brain is swimming, breath coming out in pants. His face is blank and emotionless, freer of the nasty sneer his ex-lover had seen mere moments ago. It all happened so fast; though to Shane, Ryan thinks, it must have felt like a century.

Time had slowed down and suddenly it was speeding forward, like a DVR after coming off of pause. Ryan finally took in the scene around him; the beautiful meadow, the stark contrast of the droplets of crimson sprinkled and splattered across the daisy petals. The picnic set up a foot or so away -- two champagne glasses, a basket, a sweet checkered blanket -- all washed with plasma and reeking of iron. Shane's body, folded and collapsed over himself like a failed origami project, a red river flowing from the wound in his chest; the tree behind him with blood running down it in one specific spot. The bright, beautiful sunset streaming through the trees, bathing the forest around him in a godly golden glow. It makes the grisly scene before him look almost beautiful.

Finally, Ryan's eyes fall to his own hands, one of which is clean, the other, squeezing a still-beating heart. He turns the heart around so he's cradling it in both hands, the vermilion liquid slowly flowing and coating the once immaculate hand. Ryan takes note of the blood covering his face, his mouth, his neck -- cascading down, down, down, until it gets to his jacket. Can blood stain leather?

The heart gets slower in beats, oxygen starved and hungry. Then it stops, and Ryan is suddenly struck with the realization that Shane is gone. He's killed him, and there's no way back now.

He has a gap between breaths, choking on air for a second. His mistake. The demon stares down to the heart once again, then to Shane's body. Now he understands what Shane meant when he once told him Ryan's eyes reminded him of the worst nightmare he'd ever had. Ryan feels like he's looking through his own eyes right now, what seems to be the opposite of rose colored glasses. The grisly scene in front of him isn't something he's unaccustomed to causing nor to seeing, but the fact that it's Shane tugs on his own heart. He feels empty.

Why did he do this?

And Shane still loved him, his last words told him so. Even after Ryan had thrust his hand in and ripped his heart out. Shane said sorry. And all Ryan did was sneer and make the wound deeper.

Ryan falls to the ground, then, an anguished, inhuman wail pushing past his lips, earth shatteringly loud. He knows no one can hear him but the animals and the trees. Everything is blood, everything is gore, everything is the loss he feels. The loss he caused himself to endure. The loss he thought he couldn't know.

The wail goes on, the birds leave their home in the pines around him. Ryan hears several mammals running in the other direction now, fearing the sound around them.

Slowly the wail turns to a scream, then to a moan, then to a whimper, and along to a cry. A sobbing cry that he hasn't done since he was human. It wracks his entire body. Ryan doubles in on himself, cradling the cold, ruby heart close to his chest, trying to encourage it to beat again with the beat of his own.

He's so distracted he doesn't even see Shane's ghost leave his body. Can't even see the phantom at him once and leave.

Ryan goes on like this for hours, for what seems like days. The sun sets around him and gives way to the ethereal radiance of the full moon

He hopes for his own heart to stop, for maybe that's what he deserves. Maybe Lucifer was right when he said every demon deserved pain.

So he lies there, clutching Shane's heart to his chest, as if to cherish it. Ryan sobs, he whimpers

He's a pitiful impostor of the demon he once was.

He's everything he didn't want to be.

And now he's without the boy he would never admit he loved so dearly.

How could it all come to this?