Keira's Fire

Chapter 11

After putting Michael to bed and making sure James was on the way, I went to sit by the brook for some time alone. I had about five minutes of peace and quiet before Owen joined me.

"Nice fighting earlier." He sat beside me on the log. "I can see that the rumors are true."

I glanced at him, unsmiling.

"You really don't like me, do you?"

"What gave it away?" I couldn't help myself.

"You don't even know me." It had to be the first time he didn't wear that stupid grin.

"You'll have to forgive me for having an inherent distrust of strange men, Owen. I assure you, it's not without reason."

"You're not the only one with pain in your past, you know."

"I never said I was."

"Well you're sure acting like it," he said. "Just because you don't know what happened to me, I couldn't possibly hate them as much as you do, right?"

I stared at the brook and didn't respond. I know other people suffered at the hands of the soldiers, but he was right to assume that I'd never given his pain any thought.

"I watched them murder my entire family."

I gasped, horrified at such a prospect. My hatred for the captain and the rest of the soldiers was well earned, but I couldn't imagine being able to function after that kind of atrocity.

"It's nice that there are so many men you've known so long that you can trust them," he said, making me feel worse. "There weren't enough people left that I knew, to give the people of our village a proper burial."

"I'm sorry." I forced myself to meet his eyes. "You're right and I'm sorry." I don't know if it was all the apologizing I had to do lately, but I didn't choke on this one.

He shook his head, brushing me off. "You're only thinking of your family and your men. That tells me you're a good leader. But I promise, I have no interest in harming anyone fighting the same tyranny I am. I've learned that no matter what kind of differences people have, the best allies share a common enemy."

I nodded, unable to argue with that.

"So what do you say? Truce?" He held out his hand to me.

I looked down and slowly took his hand, accepting his offer. I still didn't completely trust him, but he made a good point. We did share the common thread of hatred for the same enemy. That was as good a reason as any, I guess.

"So, now that we're friends, can I ask you something?"

"What?" After almost a month of his constant flirting, I was not expecting a serious question.

"Why haven't you been going on the raids?"

That took me by surprise.

"I hear you're the reason they started in the first place. And lets not forget the fame of your ruthlessness towards the king's men. But since I've been here, you haven't even gone on one."

I watched him, debating how much to say. I hated admitting my mistakes, but I knew he could have just as easily asked anyone else and they would have told him what I'd done. He chose to come to me instead.

"Don't tell me my ruggedly handsome face poses too much of a distraction," he teased.

"Hardly." I couldn't keep the small smile from my face. There was no question about it. Owen was very handsome. He had big brown eyes that were hard to look away from, and his unruly dark blond hair fell in his face in such a way that begged to be smoothed back. Though his features might not be quite as obviously handsome, they combined in an intriguing way that he was unarguably good looking. But many of the men I'd known for most of my life were good looking. Looks didn't affect me that way.

"I made a mistake," I said. "And now they don't really trust me. I'm not sure I trust myself."

"Must have been one heck of a mistake," he mused looking surprised.

"I could have gotten everyone killed."

"I guess that'd do it."

I'm not sure what compelled me to keep talking, but I suddenly felt the need to explain. Maybe it was the way he didn't look as though he thought I was a terrible person for what I just admitted. Like maybe he could understand.

"What you heard is right. I am responsible for the raids, at least partly. My hatred for one man, drove me to train to be able to kill him one day. It just sort of caught on."

"A man besides the king?"

It was unusual to have a specific target the way I did. Most people who'd come face to face with any soldier in particular would have been killed long before they could develop the kind of hatred I carried.

I nodded. "He did...a lot of damage to my family." It felt too personal to disclose more than that. "And he was looking for me, even before all of this." I waved my arm, indicating our camp.

"The last raid I went on, I saw him and I just...snapped. I tried to kill him when we were supposed to retreat. I didn't know there were too many men for us to take on and I didn't care. I just wanted him dead."

"So...you got a little overzealous about what you were there to do in the first place?" He smiled slightly. "That doesn't sound so unforgivable."

"I betrayed everyone's trust and put them in unnecessary danger."

"But not on purpose."

I dropped my eyes. Of course it hadn't been on purpose, but I knew I might have done the same thing if I'd had time to plan.

"The fact that they were there, put them in danger," he said.

I looked at him curiously. "Why are you defending me? I haven't earned your loyalty." After the way I treated him, I would have expected him to tell me how foolish I'd been. At the very least.

He shrugged. "I just don't think it was so terrible. I'd think the men would appreciate your courage and determination. Besides, don't you think you've served enough penance?"

"I guess."

"You have." He was being more gracious than I deserved, even without me treating him like an enemy, the way I had. Maybe I really had misjudged him.

"Anyway, if you're half as good with a bow as you are with a sword, I think you'd serve everyone much better out there, fighting along side them, rather than stuck at camp pining over what can't be changed."

That was the truth. I felt more and more useless every time the men came back victorious without my help.

"And the rebellion does need its mascot," he joked, making me smile.

"Wait a minute," he said. "Was that an actual smile I saw?"

"No." I unsuccessfully tried to hide it.

"It was." He grinned back.

"Well, it's been known to happen." I shrugged. "Once or twice."

"You should do it more often. It's lovely."

Something dipped in my stomach at the sincerity in his tone and the look in his eyes. This wasn't some shallow flattery and it wasn't like when William or some of the others tried to get to me by flirting. This was an actual compliment from someone who found me, at least momentarily pretty. Pretty was not something I was used to feeling, living this way. I'm not even sure I'd feel that way if I did dress and act like a girl. My father may have thought I was pretty, but I don't know if I ever truly believed that I was.

"So," he said after a lengthy but not uncomfortable silence. "Shall we see about you accompanying us on this raid tomorrow?"

"I don't really have much influence with them right now," I warned. "If I did, you wouldn't be here."

"Leave it to me. They rather like me. I think I can vouch for you."

I playfully smacked his arm and had a hard time keeping another smile from my lips.