I hate the nights where I feel so hallow inside. I feel so damn empty and out of place.
I hate the nights where my mind wanders to the unknown and I, all I return with is sadness.
I hate counting the tears that rush down my cheeks and collect upon my pillow.
I hate that the only thing I have at night to comfort me is my loneliness and the only thing I feel surrounding me is darkness.
I hate it all.
There is not a day I don't think about razors and pills and windows and cars and ropes and guns and it's perfectly fine, it's become a part of me;
But when you talk about razors and pills and windows and cars and ropes and guns the same way I think about them, that is what breaks me beyond repair.
---
I was abused, bullied, tossed around then you came along and you saved me from myself.
I didn't think I could be loved that anyone would see beyond what the bullies saw;
But darling you proved me wrong.
You saved me when I thought I was drowning within myself and you held my hands when my wrists were aching to bleed.
You touched the wounds on my heart and you made them heal.
You made me heal.
But yet you broke me just as easy;
You left me to be the sad, broken girl I am. The one who wants to be dead. The one who finds beauty in a limp carcass.
A carcass of a person who used to be, but I, I find this beauty in death. The way the body lays at rest, finally at peace, no more worries; just finally at rest. There is this beauty.
And every night I wished that I was that limp peaceful carcass.
And before you say I'm depressed, I am not depressed. I can still smile at pretty things and laugh when jokes are funny. I can talk to people , and enjoy nice days.
But when I go inside, when I'm alone, there is something broken. And I fall into a sadness so sweet that it engulfs me. I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see. And the tears always fall when I'm falling asleep. And I miss something that doesn't exist.
I am not depressed;
I've just been sad and broken for a while. But I can still find the light. I can still smile.
B R O K E N
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This book is a very emotional one so please if you're triggered by
Depression-
Suicide-
Self harm-
Drug use-
Please read another book.
Thank you.
Don't be a ghost reader
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