Krasivaya

Part 6

You wake slowly, nestled tightly against a well muscled chest. The scent of pine and man confuses you. This isn't your room. Not your sheets. Not your walls. You futilely try and disengage yourself from the man-wall currently crushing you, attempting to make out any distinguishing features.

Your bladder protesting loudly, you catch a glimpse of blond hair. Your mind finally comes to the conclusion you're stuck, caged in Steve's arms. "Steve," you murmur, "Move. I need to pee."

He doesn't move, opting instead to draw you tighter to him. Who knew Captain America was such an avid cuddler?

"Hun, I'm about to pee on you if you don't move." You receive a groan in reply and a distracted kiss to your forehead. "Steve! Move!" You wriggle in his grip.

Again he doesn't budge, just smothers you in his man-boobs.

Opening your mouth to let out a tirade of insults, you are abruptly cut off by the bedroom door being flung open. Peeking over Steve's shoulder, you groan inwardly, trying to sink deeper into the mattress.

"Punk, wake up! You're late for training." Bucky's terse voice fills the air, he hasn't seemed to notice you yet, and you pray he doesn't come any closer.

You do not want another argument.

"Jeez, punk, wake up!" he mutters as he strides toward the bed. Shaking Steve by the shoulder, his gaze meets yours. His expression turning guarded as he sees you plastered against his best friend. "What? You don't have your own bed?" he snarks.

You roll your eyes, grinding your teeth together, trying to keep a lid on the rage boiling inside you. "I would have slept in my own fucking bed if I didn't have to listen to you and your precious Mel banging like bunnies in heat, Barnes!" Snarling at him, you use the power you have to dislodge yourself from Steve. Rising from the bed you level him with all the hate you can muster. "Get out. I'll wake Steve and send him down to you."

His look of hurt and surprise throws you off guard. You can't stand to see him in pain. He's your one weakness and you can feel your resolve crumbling as he advances on you, stalking you like prey, lips curled back in a feral snarl. His stormy gaze searing through you.

"I don care how long we've been friends, (y/n). I don care how much you helped me when I first got here, but your snark is pissing me off! Either tell me what your problem is, or don talk to me. I'm tired of playing this game with you." His voice is low in warning, teeth gritting against his anger.

You feel the hollow ache of the previous evening returning full force. "You'd throw it all away, James? Every memory? Every moment? You'd throw it all away... for her?" Your eyes are downcast, willing yourself not to cry. You weren't that important to him after all. "Think carefully, James. Once it's said it can't be unsaid." Biting your lip in agitation, you patiently wait for his answer. The words that will determine whether or not you could ever get past this.

He seems to inflate slightly, his face cold and hard.

You know the answer before the words leave his lips.

He shrugs. "Send him down when you've woken him. I ain't got all day." With a curt nod, he turns to leave. "(Y/L/N)."

The conversation ends with him striding determinedly away from you.

Clamping down on the tidal wave threatening to overwhelm you, you hurry to wake Steve, shaking him roughly by the shoulder, muttering Bucky's message once his blue eyes blink into focus.

Message delivered, you sprint from the room, wanting nothing more than to shut yourself away, locking yourself in your bedroom. Beelining for the shower, you turn on scolding hot water, step beneath the spray, hissing as the water hits your flesh. You can't bring yourself to care.

After all this time, he had finally realised how worthless you were to him. He had chosen her, a woman he'd been seeing for three months over you. That's how little you meant to him, to any of them.

Sinking down to the wet shower floor, a raw sob escapes you. Why were you this person? Why would no one love you? Were you just a burden on the team?

Not enough

You were never going to be enough for him.

For them.

You were nothing. A void. A walking failure.

And you were never going to be enough.