Stay Alive

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by chameleonboii

by chameleonboii

trigger warning for suicide attempt and cutting described

"Goodbye" Was all that was written on a single piece of note paper stuck to the door of Evan and Jared's dorm room. Evan took the note off as he crumbled it in his hand, panicking as he slammed open the door.

"Jared! Oh my god Jared please be okay..." Evan nearly screamed, spinning through the room to try to find the boy. He heard sobs and a gasp of air come from the bathroom, then an eerie silence coming over the apartment. Evan opened the door, seeing Jared's expression blank but blood pouring out from his wrists and his body almost limp. Evan collapsed to his knees beside the boy, pulling out his phone to call the police.

"H-Hello? My friend... My friend Jared Kleinman just tried to take his own life... Fuck please... Please get here soon!" Evan was yelling into the phone, hearing a confirmation and then the line break off. He grabbed towels and pressed them to Jared's twitching wrists, his breathing heavy as he saw the boy struggle to catch a breath. Soon enough the ambulances sounded and paramedics appeared, taking Jared into an ambulance and Evan insisting he go along.

Bright lights welcomed Jared's fluttering eyes.

"Fuck." A chair nearly toppled over when Evan jumped awake, running to the side of Jared's bed. He was hooked up to a bunch of machines and bandages were wrapped tight around his arms.

"J-Jared! I-I... What? H-How? W-Why? Why did you..." Evan couldn't grasp on his words, instead collapsing onto the side of Jared's bed. He took his friends hand in his own, holding it tightly as he sobbed into the bed sheets. Jared smiled weakly, squeezing Evan's hand back.

"I hate you for saving me. Next time let me die."

"N-No! Because there isn't going to be a n-next time! I'm g-gonna... I'm gonna make this world one you want to live in." Evan choked out his words to the point Jared had tears streaming out from his eyes as well.

"I can't even live with myself, Ev." His voice was quiet as the nurse came in to check his vitals. Evan's hand reached up to Jared's arm and he rubbed his thumb over the bandages.

"But I can't live without you." He murmured, not knowing that Jared could hear him.

"W-What?"

"Look, w-we've been friends forever... A-And I really love you. If you had died... I don't know what I would have done." Evan looked blank at Jared, seeing the boys eyes fill up with tears. Jared grabbed Evan close to him, pulling him into a hug.

"Y-You're kidding, right? You can stop now, I already tried to kill myself and I won't hesitate to try again!"

"I'm not kidding, Jared! I like you, okay?" Evan blushed a shade of bright red, hiding his face in the hospital bed sheets. Jared was quiet for a moment before he took Evan's hand in his own limply, playing with the other boys fingers.

"I... I like you too. I didn't think you would ever... Like me back." Jared's voice was emotionless until the end of his soliloquy where it started cracking. He hugged Evan and his tears fell into his hair.

"Thank you for being okay." Evan's voice came out small as he gripped onto Jared. Jared took Evan's face shakily in his hands, then Evan leant in to kiss him. They kissed for a moment before Jared pulled away wincing.

"S-Sorry! There's some IV that hurts when I pull on it like that and-" Evan shut Jared up with another quick kiss, blushing a little as he scratched behind his head awkwardly. Jared smiled at the boy and motioned for him to sit next to him. Evan gladly agreed and threw his arms around Jared's shoulders protectively.

"Promise you won't try to do it again."

"I-I don't think I can just yet..."

"P-Promise that you'll try?" Evan's voice was desperate as he clung onto Jared, looking him deep in the eyes.

"I-I guess... I mean, yea. I'll try." Jared spoke reluctantly, but mostly because it hurt him more than anything to see Evan look so in pain. Evan fell asleep next to Jared, the doctors allowing it only because the boy had been up for days waiting for Jared to wake up.

Jared smiled weakly as they entered the dorm room again, almost crying as he looked around.

"I've been at the hospital so much I haven't had that much time to clean up... But we're home." Evan held Jared's hand again as he put his bags down. Jared turned to face Evan and then back him up against their counter. He kissed the boy, pulling him close to him as Evan's tongue slipped into his mouth. Evan pushed and pulled against Jared's lips, his hand against his chest. He pulled apart and left his hand on his chest, smiling softly as he felt the heartbeat steadily. Taking Jared's hand in his own, he held them both over his chest.

"Feel... How amazing is that? You're alive! Do you know how precious that is? Y-You have once chance, Jared. I don't want you just throwing it out... P-Please try. I want you to live this experience to whatever you define as the fullest." Evan managed to ramble out, tears lining Jared's eyes as he kissed Evan's hand in his own.

"Fuck you... Fuck you for making me want to stay." Jared choked out as he fell against Evan, the couple making their way to the couch to collapse and cry together. Evan held Jared tightly, scared he might do something if he let go. Jared would give Evan little kisses as they sat, not wanting to drench the boy with his tears.

"I'm gonna protect you from everything bad. You're going to like this place someday..." Evan kept on mumbling positive promises to Jared, making the boy cry more.

"I love you, Ev. I really do." Evan blushed at his words, shutting him up for a moment as he hid his face in the crook of Jared's neck. He left a trail of small kisses but pulled away to look Jared in the eyes.

"I-I love you too." And now, Jared felt like it might be worth it to stay.

a.n: angsty but fluffy but im in physical pain so bYE