chapter 39 *Edited*

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When Lily, Orla and James reached Lily’s room, Sirius was sitting on the bed, hands balled at his side. He was staring fixedly at the wall, something James knew was a very, very bad sign. ‘I’m so sorry, Lily,’ Sirius said in a forced-calm voice. James watched warily. Sirius had stages of an emotional breakdown. First, his jaw trembled and he sought a quiet place where he inevitably built up his anger, second, he apologised and blamed himself. Third, he got angry and if no one found a way to vent that anger, he’d accidently break things until he’d let it out. Once that was done, he’d need emotional support. Lastly, Sirius would come up with a brilliant prank to make him feel better, a prank often involving the person who’d upset him. 

‘What for?’ Lily asked, going to sit beside him. James and Orla held back, waiting to see how she’d handle him.

‘For being such a git to your family. I shouldn’t have yelled at them like th-’

‘Enough,’ Lily said, covering his mouth. ‘You have nothing to apologise for. Nothing,’ she said, noticing Sirius’ mouth opening. ‘What Vernon and Tuney did was horrible. It was completely unfair of them.’

‘I still shouldn’t have yelled.’

‘Probably not,’ Lily said, ‘but I don’t think anyone blames you for it, given the circumstances.’

‘Stupid Vernon,’ Sirius growled, unclenching, then re-clenching his fists.

James caught Lily’s eye and jerked her head to tell her to step away. Sirius would need to talk about his feelings later, but for the moment, he was still angry and he looked perilously close to destroying things. ‘Padfoot,’ James said.

‘What?’

James shook his head, smiling. ‘Padfoot.’

Sirius’ eyes widened. ‘Here? We’d destroy the room!’

‘Destroy the- James Potter! What in Merlin’s name are you planning?’ Lily asked, her eyes narrowing.

‘Nothing bad,’ James promised. ‘Can you do us a favour?’

‘Depends what it is,’ Lily said cautiously.

‘Shrink us,’ Sirius said, stealing the words out of James’ head. ‘Remember, Reducio, not Recucto.’ Peter always got the two confused and had destroyed the boy’s dormitory on one such occasion in fourth year.

‘What-oh!’ Lily said, as Sirius, James and Orla transformed. Sirius barked and she waved her wand. The room grew before James’ eyes until he was the size of Lily’s shoe. Padfoot and Fawkes was just as small. James bleated happily and kicked his front feet forwards. Padfoot danced out of the way, wagging his tail behind him. Fawkes squacked and landed on Padfoots back. While Sirius found shelter behind “A Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi” which was lying under Lily’s bed. ‘Do you do this often?’ Lily asked. Padfoot yelped; her voice seemed so much louder now that she was so much bigger. Her head was roughly the size of his entire body.

James just shrugging, or trying to; his shoulders weren’t very flexible in Animagus form. Sirius crept up and nipped his flank. James turned around, jabbing his side with an antler. Sirius growled playfully and a fight ensued, Orla transformed back and now looked like a doll, Lily laughing all the while. 



* * *



‘Girls? Boys?’ Mr Evans called, knocking on the door. 

‘Hide,’ Lily whispered. James and Sirius, still in animal form, with darted under the bed, play-fight forgotten. Orla was still not normal size so hid with the boys. James appreciated Lily’s subtlety; he didn’t really mind whether Mr Evans knew about him being an Animagus and he doubted Sirius would be bothered by it much either, but he was happy Lily didn’t expect it of them. ‘What, Dad?’

James saw the door open and sock-covered feet enter. ‘I wanted to check on- Where are your friends?’

‘Getting rid of a little excess energy,’ Lily said. James’ eyes sparkled. Padfoot’s tongue lolled out of his mouth.

‘Is he all right?’ Mr Evans asked, concern touching his voice. ‘I doubt Vernon would have asked if he knew what Sirius’ answer would be-’

‘But he did,’ Lily said, cutting him off.

‘He did,’ Mr Evans agreed. ‘Lils, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, or if James wouldn’t want me to know – I understand it’s a sensitive matter – but... were the people he talked about... were they Death Eaters?’ 

‘Yes,’ Lily said without hesitation. James nodded in approval, as did Sirius and Orla. 

‘Is it getting worse, the war?’ The bed creaked gently as Mr Evans sat down.

‘It’s not looking good,’ Lily said quietly. ‘Death Eater attacks aren’t even front page news because they’re so common. No one knows who’s going to be next anymore – they’ve been attacking at random. Dumbledore’s worried enough that he’s started recruiting students to fight back-’

‘You among them?’ Mr Evans cut in. Lily must have nodded because the bed creaked and James was willing to bet his new broomstick that Mr Evans had just hugged his daughter.

‘I’m sorry,’ Lily mumbled from above. James blinked, feeling Sirius’ hand on his shoulder. He hadn’t even realised he had transformed and was halfway out from under the bed to comfort Lily.

‘Thanks,’ James whispered. He didn’t feel small, but his head didn’t even touch the bottom of the mattress. Sirius nodded.

‘I should have talked with you about it first or... I don’t know.’ Lily continued, sounding agitated. James decided that if Mr Evans hadn’t calmed her down in thirty seconds, he was coming out.

‘Was it a spur of the moment decision?’ Mr Evans asked.

‘Of course not,’ Lily said, sounding shocked her father had reached that conclusion.

‘Didn’t think so.’ Mr Evans laughed quietly. ‘So you’d obviously given thought to joining the resistance before the opportunity presented itself.’

‘Obviously,’ Lily said slowly, wondering, like James, where Mr Evans was going with this.

‘Then you’ve done the right thing.’

‘You’d say that even if I became a Death Eater,’ Lily said.

‘Of course I would. I’m your father, Petal-’ James, Orla and Sirius exchanged evil grins at the nickname, ‘- and I’ll support you in whatever choices you make because I know you well enough to believe you’ll make the right ones.’ That was more or less what Mr Evans had said to Sirius that afternoon.

‘You’re not going to tell me I’m too young?’

'That would make me a hypocrite,’ Mr Evans said dryly, ‘I was only a year older than you are now when I joined the army. You’re considered an adult in your world and that’s good enough for me. Be honest with me, though: how dangerous is it?’

‘I could die,’ Lily said, without fear.

‘From what you’ve told me about Death Eater views on muggle-borns, that would be true even if you hadn’t joined the resistance,’ Mr Evans said mildly.

‘So you were listening,’ Lily said, with a slight smile in her voice. ‘But yes, that was my thinking. I’m in no more danger fighting back than I would be trying to keep my head down.’ James had never loved her more than in that moment.

‘Harold! Lily? Pudding’s ready!’

‘Pudding!’ Sirius whispered excitedly.

‘Can you tell Mum we’ll be down in a moment?’ Lily asked.

‘Sure.’ Mr Evans’ weight left the bed and James watched his feet walk to the door. ‘Hey, Lils.’

‘Mmm?’

‘This is the second proudest of you I’ve ever been.’

‘When was the first?’ Lily asked.

‘The day you were born.’ Mr Evans left.

‘Make me big again!’ Sirius cried, sprinting out from under the bed. 

‘Me first!’ James shouted.

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