Stories From The Grapevine

Simone

There was this girl who, at first, I didn't have any romantic feelings for because in my mind I was straight. I had a boyfriend when I came to college and everything; but everything changed as soon as I got to school. He dumped me for like the dumbest reason and I didn't know how to feel about it. I'd never been dumped before and this girl who I'd just met comforted me, you know. Everything's cool, you know, you find someone new. I was like 'You know what, you're right'.

    We got really close as friends and at the time I didn't know she was gay or bisexual, you know, until days later when we were with this group of friends and we all decided to tell each other about ourselves.  We all agreed that since we were all going to be friends, we should know about each other and when it was her turn, she just dropped that bombshell, boom. So as the months go by freshman year, we kind of found ourselves falling away from our little group of friends and turn into a duo. We grew even closer so quick that we started to like each other and me, in the back of my mind, I'm like 'Okay I'm straight; I don't know how to feel about this because I've never liked a girl before'. Growing up, I was taught to never discriminate; my moms' sisters are gay so we never saw gay or straight as anything really. But, I never like a girl so I didn't know exactly how to feel about that part. More so than that, I didn't know how to tell her. One night, I invited her for coffee and - I don't even drink coffee but I know she does. We sat in the Rose Garden at two in the morning just talking and she was like 'I like you'. I was just star gazed for a second like, I didn't know what to say and my mind was like 'Tell her you like her too, dummy. Just tell her'. So I did and our relationship kind of blossomed from there.

    From then on, you know, we were never apart for like two years; literally never apart. When I went to my hometown, she came with me. If she went to her hometown, it's because I took her because she didn't have a car. Our relationship was very, very fun for the first year and a half. It was amazing but then something happened. No, no one cheated or anything; it was just that something happened with my family and I kind of just shut my emotions off. I didn't mean to turn them off from her but it just happened. I'm not really good with good with the whole emotions thing in the first place like, I'm not even emotionally connected to my parents. She was the first person I ever connected emotionally with one hundred percent and I guess turning off my emotions completely just kind of broke her inside. We started arguing a lot and didn't want to be around each other and everything. I tried to fix everything; I've always been that person to want to fix everything. It obviously didn't work that way because it's a year later and we don't have any communication with each other what so ever.

    If it wasn't for her, I would've never given my life back to Christ. If it wasn't for her, I would have never been open to spontaneity. I would've always been the conformist child, or person per se, that was always organized and always had everything in order. Not living everything by the moment; not living everyday by the moment. And for her, she would tell me all the time 'If it wasn't for you, I would never have learned to love anyone'. 'Cause that's me, I love everyone unconditionally; God told us you have to. I've always known that in the back of my mind, that's how I've always lived and I do thank her for that. She got me to start going to church, something that no one in my family or any other friend has ever gotten me to do.

    It was amazing; it was an amazing ride while it happened but our ride ended and it was time to get on a new one. This ride, this rollercoaster had so many ups and downs, so many curves and loops that we just couldn't stay in control, we couldn't quite hang on anymore. We stopped trusting each other, stopped wanting to be around each other. It got to the point where we stopped loving each other. Well, in my opinion, I feel like she stopped loving me versus me stop loving her 'cause still to this day, you know a year and two months later, I still love her unconditionally.

    I hope everything for her is for the best. The only two people who know this are her and God. Our relationship ended so abruptly that I don't even know why it ended. To be honest, I felt like I'd found my soul mate. It's just, you know, the whole homosexuality in church thing kind of threw us for a loop 'cause you know what people say - it's an abomination. Even though God said to love everyone; even your enemy, even someone that doesn't live up to their true Godly potential.

    Everything that we stood for and that we dealt with in our relationship is nothing but the memories of a lost past and that's all they are ever going to be. But I do hope the best for her and I do want her to know that all wounds heal. All wounds heal.

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