Pain will never end

You Don't Understand

..i can't make u understand. You can't understand until you have gone through it..I can't just explain 2 you years of being told how wrong and stupid u are..I can't just explain the feeling of looking in a mirror bursting into tears...I cant explain the pain in my heart from watching people I love literally die in front of me..I cant explain to you how it feel to not be able to sleep because i can't stop crying..or because my mind is racing with memories...things I don't want to remember but have no choice because I can't block it out..I can't pretend its not real..

to most people it would just be a sad story..a nightmare..but its not..its my life..its a nightmare I can't wake up from..

Tell me how do you escape from it..how do you forget about it when your mind replays it..how do you get away from your own thoughts after they have been flooded with so much..

So no I cant make you understand...especially when I can't even understand most of it myself..

•this was pretty much exactly what I told one of my ex bfs when he continued to ask me to try to explain what was going on with me at the time. I think he finally realized a small amount of how much fucked up stuff goes through my mind that i cant control, but unfortunately it's just the beginning.