Life Detangled

I Love You...

A note I wrote to my special boy <3

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It all started in summer; I never thought it would come this far. We started as mutual friends, casually exchanging words. Then we grew in our friendship and you threw me some lines. I played along thinking you we're crazy. Something drove me forward. Four months passed and we sounded as though we were drunk on something. Lust? Love? Or a simple crush? We didn't know so we lost touch. School started. Books, tests and exams began. We drifted into our worlds getting lost along the way. Then one day a miracle occurred; reconnection. I don't remember how or why but we were talking again. Embers became sparks... Then we parted again, but only for a while. I told you I was going to Morden for school maybe. You told me you were coming out of homeschooling. I was excited.. In all honesty? It drove my final decision towards Morden. Curiosity killed the cat... Or in my case? Curiosity killed the Kelsie. I wanted to know you, not just for a face on the web.. No, I wanted to know the man behind the mask. The one who could flirt and come up with the cheesiest situations ever. The one who could create a "date to remember" in under three minutes. I wanted to know this boy.. This guy. I never saw him as a kid because he told me of his pain. Trust.. Trust developed between us. Trust that felt unreal. As though I could tell him my worst nightmares.. And he would understand. My day of ghosting came soon luckily, next thing I knew I was at Morden school on a blustery day. Waiting for my teacher when a curious face walked by. Greeted with a "hi" our friendship began easily. Like we had known each other all of our lives. He introduced me to the chatterbox, a comforting guy who seemed willing to put up with my antics. They accused him of "flirting" which I didn't believe. "He's being nice!" I simply replied. The day went on and soon lunch came. Walking through the halls until I heard your name. We stopped for a while to chat then we were on our way. Until that awkward little trip.. "KELSIE!!" I heard you say, there went my foot... Suddenly I was looking at the ceiling.. And laughing. A glance to my left, seeing a boy practically rolling on the floor from his hysteria. "How can I help you? Now that I'm sitting down" I asked as I slowly stood up. Red marked my face where my cheeks seemed to blush. The rest of my face? Rested in a tone of flushed. The EA proclaimed "Chatterbox" has a girl falling for him already!" I repeat the rephrase but end with no way. What came from my lips was a sentence I shouldn't have said "I was actually falling for him..." I knew my face had turned red. The day continued on without another trip but something in my head had literally sort of flipped. The days went on well and February soon came. My mind filled with doubts but I didn't know who to blame. I was with this boy named Sam and I loved him oh, so much... But something just seemed wrong. I wasn't missing him as much. I tried not to worry but as the days went on, everything turned to mush. Distancing began and realization hit; I loved him as a brother... Agggh shit. I dug my own grave but someone pulled me out. The end of February marked the end of Sam. I was devastated; I had just broken up with my best friend.. I didn't feel all that bad. I cried for three days, then said that is that. I wouldn't be tortured because I knew that life went on. Where I started missing my ex? That feeling was now gone. You pursued me quick. You took my hand and showed me how to let go. I fell in love with a heartless demon.. Yet this "demon" had a heart. You had said it didn't work but when I was near.. Oh how it beat. Drummers blood "thump, thump, thump" jeez your heart went on. I found myself falling in love again.. I was scared this happened fast.. This can't be real.. I know it'll never last. My brain cried no but my heart screamed yes.. I was scared, confused and felt kind of lost. But all that changed when you took me out for lunch.. We went to your grandparents house. You took me in, introduced me around and soon our meal was done. As we left the house I kept thinking "why was I so comfortable?" Questions spun around my head but I knew this wouldn't last. My stubborn self just wouldn't shut up.. I was living in the past. Pretty soon your grandpa died and that actually made me cry. I never knew him but I wish I had. "Live with no regrets" is a good phrase to tell a boy your age. I know you took that well.. You've gone through worse but you said it helped having me around. Now you claim I'm a part of your heart and I believe it too. Within a month of being with you. I have gone against many of my own rules and boundaries yet its helped me. You've shown me how to trust and maybe scared me too. You've shown me how to laugh and let go of what I own. I own a lot of guilt, shame and pain too. I never knew how to let go until the day that I met you. You opened up your world and let me dive right in, you trusted me and so equally I said I trusted you. I'm glad I did because I love you lots. More than I ever knew. You've changed my life and taken all the strife that surrounds my heart each day. You've torn it up and burned it down so I can throw it away. You've made my life easier, you've shown me how to laugh. How to have fun and play. Your cousins may steal me, guys may gawk but there's one thing they do not know. I am an angel sent from above with these few things to do. I was born to be yours and yours alone shall I stay. Loving you comes naturally and that's all I want to say. I've given up on a normal life because it just can't stay. It can't always be boring, it needs some fun and that's where you come in. Adventure knocks and all it says is "prepare for what may be, this boy is smart but also very witty. He sneaks around both day and night preparing you for what is to be. A life of laughter, fun and being just you and he. He loves you Kelsie. You've endeared him to your heart. He'll smile when you appear but you'll both be sad when you depart." Well adventure I have this to say; I love him too with all my heart. He saved my life and I will never depart. I'm a nerd and he's a demon. He's really weird but he's worth keepin'. He'll never understand when I say "you love the same as I." We've saved each other and now we share a part. A part you can't get rid of and that's known as the heart. We share a connection to each and every world. Your world. My world. Now they're the same. I promised you I wouldn't leave and now you've done the same. I love you, without you I'd go insane. Because who else would understand the weirdness that we share.

And even though its illegal? Ya know, angels and demons being together? Guess what?! Too fucking bad! You are mine and I am yours. Forever will I remain. Forever isn't long enough but it's just what we'll say. So now I'll end this note cause I've said what I need to say. I have you silly boy.. You're all I need, okay?