ONCE: stories of what could have been and what should have been.

Lies in Letters

"I said I didn't love you but I lied."

I know that letting her go would mean taking away a part of myself. I said goodbye but that doesn't mean I love her less, but I know I had to say goodbye because God forbids me to stay any longer.

It's been six months since I sent her a message. Inside it were lies I never thought I could write. I remember when I said I didn't love her anymore and that she doesnt need to stay.

Maymay,
I'm sorry it took me a long time before I responded to your messages. But this will be the last time I'll be sending you messages, May . I hope you can also stop sending me one. I can't find the exact words to put my feelings into a message.
I'm fine here, Maymay. I'm learning to live my life even without your presence. I have to say, not having you by my side is difficult but eventually, I got used to your absence.
I know I shouldn't be doing this through a sheet of paper but I can no longer take it, May. Time's ticking and I'm losing minutes.
I have decided, let's break up Maymay. The longer I stayed here, the more I realized that you are not the one I need and I can be as happy as I can be even without you by my side. I know that if you get to read this, you'll be crying your heart out, I won't stop you but please forget about me, forget about us. I'm no good for you. I am miles away from you. Our distance can no longer connect our hearts.
Maybe, you'd start questioning yourself why it all went down the drain, but never blame yourself. You've given me more than what I deserve. A precious girl like you shouldn't end up with a guy like me. If you think that coming up with this decision was easy for me, then you got it all wrong. It's not my intention to hurt you. But, Maymay, this is the right thing to do. I'm really sorry Maymay but I don't love you anymore.."

I cant help but to burst out in tears every time I remember everything I have said. I love her so much. She was the only girl that meant so much to me. And if only I could stop time from ticking, if I could change my fate- I will. I will do everything for my Maymay. I pray to God every night to make things conspire for the two of us, but asking for something that is impossible makes the situation even more difficult to accept.

I took her picture off my wallet and stared at her beautiful smile. Her smile will always be etched inside my heart. Something that I will never forget even after I die.....

Hearts in grieve, eyes dampened with tears. But his favorite song playing on his funeral. Visitors know that this is what Edward John wanted. His favorite song, "baliw" to be heard by their mourning hearts. He asked his parents while he was on his death bed to have it played as a sign that he'll never forget the only woman he loved dearly - Maymay.

Marydale arrived in a black dress with misery inside her heart. Seeing with her own eyes, the man she loves so much, inside a coffin - pale and breathless. Oh how she missed his smile, the way he caresses her hair, the way he soothes her soul with just one touch. She misses him. She misses the way he made her feel. Staring at the lifeless body of Edward John, memories of them together keep repeating inside her head. She lost him. He will never be back even if she wished at the stars every night.

Mommy Cathy approached the anguished Marydale and gave her the last letter that Edward wrote for her. Edward begged to only give her that letter once he's gone.

Dear, Marydale
"Once you start reading this letter, I'm not by your side anymore. Remember when I told you I didnt need you Maymay? When I told you I'm doing fine without you by my side and that I didn't love you anymore? NONE OF THESE WERE TRUE, Maymay. You are the only girl that I have loved this much. That I'm willing to let you go even if it meant breaking my own heart. I 'd rather see myself struggling and hurting than to see you enduring all the pain after you lose me. I'm sorry Maymay if I had to tell you lies. I'm sorry if I had to stop loving you. I'm sorry if I told you I didn't love you anymore. And I'm sorry if I didn't have the courage to tell you the truth. I was afraid Maymay, I do not know how to say the truth but Maymay when I wrote you that letter, I knew I only have four months left to live and telling you that I do not love you anymore was the easiest way for you to hate me.  I'd rather hurt you with lies because I know you'll come to forget me than to tell you the truth and know that you'll eventually lose me. Wherever I may be Maymay, you'll always have an angel in me. I love you Maymay, always."

Maymay couldn't say a single word. Her entire world crashed with a single goodbye. She is left with nothing but his final letter and a reminder of the love they once shared.

She draws nearer to Edward's coffin while saying her farewells.

"Edward, thank you for everything. Please be an angel to me and to our son John Dale. I promise to take care of him, Edward. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you that I was bearing our child. I thought that there's no point in letting you know since you said you didn't love me anymore. I still don't understand why you have to lie Edward. I know it's too late to let you know but thank you Edward for leaving a piece of yourself to me. I love you, Edward and I'll always will." Maymay said in between her sobs. She doesnt know how she'll be able to live without him but she believes that he's always by her side, ALWAYS.

-------- END.