Forever & Always

Chapter 6 - Alessandra

"Ally!" Dad called up the stairs. "Dinner's ready!"

I walked downstairs and into the kitchen. My mom was standing in front of the fridge. "Hey, hon," she said. "Want anything to drink?"

"No," I said, an edge to my voice, "I'm fine."

My mom looked taken aback for a moment, but she quickly recovered. "Dan, you want anything?"

"I'll have a Diet Coke," my dad answered.

Mom grabbed a Diet Coke for him and a Pepsi for herself and sat down at the table. "How was your first day at school, hon?" she asked me.

"Not what I expected," I replied honestly. I really hadn't expected for some jerk to fool with me on the first day, hadn't expected to puke just because someone had mentioned cancer, hadn't expected to make friends as quickly as I did.

My mom looked confused, but, thankfully, let it go. Dad laid greenbean casserole on the table and sat down. "Let's eat," he said.

"Thank goodness," my mom said. "I'm starving."

I couldn't believe how normal my parents were acting. As if Caleb had never died. As if they didn't even notice his absence. I understand that everyone grieves in their own way, but my parents didn't seem to be grieving at all.

"So, Ally," my mom said. "Your dad and I have a gift for you."

"A gift?" I was hoping this wasn't another pity gift like the dumb car my dad bought for me.

My dad looked worried for a moment. "We don't want you to get angry at us for not giving it to you earlier," he said. I was getting suspicious. "He told us not to."

He? As in Caleb? "Who's he?" I asked, nervous for his answer.

"Caleb, honey," my mom said as if she were talking to a toddler.

"What is it?" I asked.

Mom handed me a box. I opened it quickly. In it were numerous amounts of papers. I looked up, confused.

"They're letters," my dad explained. "Caleb wrote them; he knew his time was coming. I told him I planned to move back to my hometown in Oklahoma and he asked for us to give them to you after we moved." After looking at me, Dad added, "We didn't read them. They're your business, not ours."

I nodded, reassured. I looked at my mom and dad. They both looked worn, tired. "Thank you," I whispered softly.

"Of course, dear." My mom smiled sadly. She stood up. "I have to go now. I love you, Ally." She kissed the top of my head. "I'll keep in touch, I promise."

"Bye," I said.

"Bye." She walked out the door.

I turned to my dad. "I'm going to clean up," he said to me. "Then I think I'll turn in for the night."

"Okay," I said. "Can I go over to a classmate's house tomorrow night to work on a project?"

"Depends," he said. "Is this classmate a boy?"

"Dad!" I cried, exasperated.

"Is he?" He asked.

"Now you're just assuming that it is!"

"Well," he said. "Is he?"

"Can I go or not?" I asked.

"I suppose so," Dad relented.

"Thanks, Dad. Goodnight."

"'Night, honey."

I went upstairs and sat down on my bed. I felt tired all the way to my bones. I opened the box and pulled out the first letter, but I couldn't bring myself to open it. I stared down at it. It seemed surreal that Caleb had held this same paper before I had. That he had touched this same box.

After minutes of just looking down at the paper, I opened it.

Dear Lessie,

God. I hate that I have to do this. Writing these letters just seems like I'm giving up already. But I'm not. I know I am not going to make it much longer, as much as that sucks. But I want you to know that even if I'm gone, I will still be there for you. I know it sounds cheesey, but just roll with it. I know that you're going to have a hard time dealing with me being gone, so I figured I would leave my amazing brotherly advice in these letters. God knows you'll need it.

I laughed despite myself.

Lessie, please don't give up. No matter what, you have to promise me that you'll keep going. I know who you are. You're an amazing person. Dad told me you'd be moving, but don't shut yourself out. Make friends. Continue being the Lessie I know. And if someone makes an attempt to be your friend, let them. I know I was always your best friend as conceited as that sounds, but you were mine, too. You always have been. But if you're reading this, I'm gone. I already know you'll always keep me in your heart, but don't let me take up all the space. Let someone else in. You've always had a hugegantic heart, so leave room for others. (Hugegantic is a word, by the way. Don't try to tell me it isn't.) You can read these letters as you'd like. You can read them all now, or read one per day. I just want you to know that I'm still by your side. And I'll always be your partner in crime. I love you. I love you more than anything else in the entire world. Please never forget that, Lessie. Love,

Caleb.

As I finished the letter, I felt a tear roll down my cheek, followed by countless others. I hadn't even realized I was crying until now. I swiped at my cheeks and blinked rapidly, trying to stop more tears from escaping. Even during his sickness, Caleb knew me completely. He knew I would shut everyone out as soon as he was gone. He was right. I couldn't continue to push people away, but I didn't know how to let anyone in.

This was the first time I had cried since Caleb's death, and the tears seemed endless. I sat on the floor against my bed, silent sobs shaking my entire body. I clung to the box as if it were a lifeline as the sobs finally escaped my lips.

-

I woke up in my bed the following morning, the box on my nightstand. Dad must have came ion and put me to bed last night. I clicked off my alarm and walked to the bathroom. My eyes didn't look bad, but anyone who looked close enough would be able to tell I had cried myself to sleep last night.

I climbed in the shower and let myself relax as the hot water streamed down. I washed my hair and body before shaving and getting out. I put on leggings and a Deadpool T-shirt Caleb had gotten me for Christmas last year, and then I blow-dryed my hair. I had curly black hair that hung to my lower back, and went past my butt when it was straight. After I finished, I put on mascara and went downstairs. Dad was already at work, so I grabbed a granola bar and drove to school. I parked and climbed out of my car. "Al!" I heard from behind me.

Mason was chiming out of his car and I went over to join him. "Hey," I said.

"Hey," he echoed. "Here, I got you this." He began handing me a cup of coffee, but dropped it on the concrete. He just stared down at it. "Well, damn."

I cracked up. He gave me his instead. "You can have mine," he said. "I haven't drank a lot of it."

I took the cup from him and smiled. "At least you didn't drop this one on the ground," I said teasingly.

"Hey now," he said. "We do not speak of that."

I smiled and took a drink of my coffee. Mason locked his car and we started walking toward the school. "How is it?" he asked expectantly.

"It's delicious," I said honestly. It was a perfect cup of coffee. "Where'd you get it?"

"I work at the coffee shop uptown. It's called Coffee Bean," Mason said. "I get discounts on the coffee if I make it myself."

"You made this?" I asked.

"Yep."

"It's amazing!"

He laughed. "I'm no barista, but thanks."

"What do you do then?" I asked him.

"I wait on tables. Nothing special, but I enjoy it."

"Well, at least there's that," I said and he smiled. "But if I ever go, you better be the one making my coffee."

He grinned. "Deal." He stuck out his hand and I shook it.