Off The Internet (Narry)

22

"Why does any of this matter?" I woke up to Niall talking this time, not Liam.

"Because he's not okay Niall, he has a schedule. We have to keep to it for Liam, please." I heard Louis say he sounded so so depressed, Liam was his boyfriend, I opened up one eye; I must've fallen asleep on the couch. I looked up and saw Niall's face he was looking at a piece of paper though: Liam's schedule for me.

Then it hit me, Liam died. Once I heard the news, I kind of just passed out. My heart dropped thinking about how I lost him; who's going to bathe me? Feed me? Take care of me? I'm never gonna see his smile again, I'm never gonna get to cuddle him again. He did everything for me, cause I can't do it.

Grief. Feels like emptiness in you heart, a shear of nothingness that somehow takes over and holds your soul and threatens to kill you entirely. It gives you this heavy feeling that's like the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders and there is nothing you can do to get out from under it. Its like this hole in your heart that is the shape of the one you lost and that makes you feel the need to wipe away any non-existent tears that you want to form but can't.

I've felt this feeling before, with my family. I started thinking back to time, oh no flashbacks their coming back. I screamed and Niall looked down at me; I felt his arms go around me as I screamed and cried. I snuggled my head into his chest as I kept crying.

I felt his hand move around then face me I looked up to see he had one of my pacifiers in front of my face; I bit down on it and he let go. I started to calm down instantly and held onto him as he stroked my hair and sighed, "Where do you go for therapy? It's on your schedule in about thirty minutes." Niall said softly but his tone was still agitated.

"Uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" I hummed onto my pacifier, I had no clue. I looked at Louis then back at Niall who was typing on his phone.

"I think I figured it out." Niall said, "Come on let's get going." He pushed me off him and stood up, I stretched out then got up.

"You coming with or staying here?" Niall asked Louis.

"I'll stay here and watch over the house." Louis sad voice said as he shrugged, Niall nodded and started walking outside; I followed him.

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Niall did get to the right therapist; and he checked me in. My therapist, Dr Freeman came out and looked at me and called my name; I looked at Niall, usually Liam comes in with me but Niall didn't get up. I sighed and stood up really awkwardly; following my therapist into her office.

Once the session was over; which persist of me crying and telling her about Liam. We left the room; Niall came over to us. "You must be the boyfriend." Dr Freeman said. Niall nodded then she whispered something to him; I'm not sure what. He just sighed and said something back then she handed him a piece of paper and smiled.

We started walking out; not saying anything to each other. I felt myself start to cry again; Niall just gave me my dummy then started driving. "You're going to graduate tomorrow right?"

I nodded giggling when I felt my curls tickle my neck, "Alright cool I'll try to make it then but I do have a huge meeting tomorrow. I do have to take you somewhere after too so I should be there."