"Mother, Father." Iruka laid the white lilies he'd brought down in front of the Memorial Stone. "I'm sorry for not visiting for so long. Everything was a little rushed the past days. But I know that that's no excuse." The Chuunin smiled softly and reached out with his left hand to trail his parents' names on the black stone.
"Naruto is doing fine. He's getting stronger every day, and he's even getting along much better with Sakura and Sasuke by now. They'll soon be a real team. And he's meeting with the Genin from the other rookie teams, too." Iruka smiled. "I'm very happy that he finally found friends." He fell silent and sat back, then turned his gaze up to the sky where perfect white clouds were drifting lazily over the blue sky.
"And Kakashi is back from his single mission finally. He's fine, he was just a little exhausted when he visited me yesterday evening. He said that he just wanted to make sure that I d-don't wor-worry anym-" Gasping, Iruka closed his eyes tight but still felt a single, lonely tear flow over his cheek and hurt worse than any weapon ever had.
"I w-won't cry, Father", he whispered. "I know that shinobi don't cry over something like this. So I don't cry." The Chuunin took a deep breath. "But I can't keep these tears from falling. I try, Father, please believe me, but I just can't. They come whenever I... whenever I think... of him..."
It took several deep, shuddering breaths until Iruka found the strength to get up from the ground again. "I'm sorry for being weak, Father, Mother", he whispered. "I wished that I was strong enough, but I... I just don't seem to be able to find the strength in me. Neither to keep those tears from falling nor to... to tell him..."
Turning around, the Chuunin threw a last look at the bright blue sky that couldn't chase the darkness and despair from his heart. "Maybe one day I will find the strength to stop these tears... maybe one day I will be able to accept it... that it'll never be..." Iruka shook his head. "But I know that I will never be able to tell him how... how much he means to me... I would lose him..."
-----
"Iruka-sensei!"
Iruka stopped in his walk home from the Academy to look up. He spotted his favourite ex-student sitting at the counter of Ichiraku's with his team-mates and sensei. "Hello, Naruto."
"Come over here, Iruka-sensei!", the blond boy yelled. "Kakashi-sensei is paying for our meals!"
"Naruto!", Iruka laughed. "You can't just invite me to join if you're invited yourself."
"Maa, Iruka", Kakashi said, chuckling, and turned around to look at the teacher. "You're welcome to join. I would never let one of my friends starve, you know." A broad grin was visible under the mask.
"That's very nice of you, Kakashi", Iruka answered and forced a smile on his lips although the pain in his chest at hearing the other call him a friend made him want to run and hide and curl up somewhere where nobody would find him. On the one side, it felt good, warm to be called a friend by the Copy-nin, but on the other side...
God, it hurt.
"I'm always nice, Iruka-sensei", the Jounin said in mock-hurt, teasingly adding the honorific they'd dropped quite some time ago already. "I hope you don't think differently of me. Don't be so mean. Don't you like me anymore?"
"But sure I like you, Kakashi", the Chuunin forced out through his painfully cramping chest and thick throat, then sat down on his left side. "How could I not?" He found that his voice only wavered a little bit, and not enough to be recognised, he hoped.
"Then Kakashi's happy", Kakashi declared, grinning brightly under his mask. "As long as Iruka likes him, Kakashi's happy."
Iruka swallowed hard and tried his best to ignore the stinging pain in his chest and eyes. He wouldn't cry. He couldn't cry.
