Regret Is An Useless Emotion (Frerard Oneshot)

It was a cold day.

I nervously twitched, my hands once again checking the date and time, making sure they hadn't been mixed up in my haste, and sure as the sun, or moon, in this matter, was, the time was 10 in the evening. The night brought about changes to the environment, the ugly, twisted and warped warming up at the starting line, ready to once again infiltrate the place, if only for a night.

The date was the 22nd of March, 2014.

I continued my wait outside the three storey house, standing out on the street perhaps because of the many scribbles on the walls, but unlike most graffiti, these scribbles contained joy and laughter of children. They didn't make the place ugly, they made it even more beautiful. A unique kind of beauty.

But I wasn't here to appreciate beauty today. 

My hands shook nervously and I found myself, for the first time in ages, itching for a cigarette, the calming feeling of nicotine pumping through my veins. My nerves were certainly doing their job, making me extremely touchy and hesitant.

I watched as the lights slowly went out in the house, and the laughter of children slowly died down. Then the click of a door, footsteps, and then there he was, standing in front of me, with a washed out look on his face.

"Frank," I whispered, voice strained, "How have you been?" Conversation starters were never the way we would begin talking, it was just wrong, but then again, I guess a lot had changed in the past year.

He lifted his hazel eyes that I had once looked into and promised to love for the rest of my life, and with a voice void of emotion, "I'm fine. You?"

"Good, thanks."

Tension build up between us, this was never how I imagined we would one day be reduced to. It was plain wrong. The polite and cordial tone continued to seep its way into our conversation, drying out whatever was left.

"You've lost weight," I stated blankly.

He sighed, and snapped, " What do you want, Gerard? My wife and kids are sleeping, what do you want? I want to get back to them as soon as possible."

Dumbfounded, I found myself staring at him blankly. What did I want? His words cut into me like a knife.

He raised an eyebrow, "What? Hurry up, I haven't got time."

He sighed impatiently, and I found myself struggling to come up with words to explain.

"I guess I just wanted to see you."

"Well, you've seen me. Goodbye," and he started walking back to his house abruptly.

"Wait!" I grasped at his hand, willing him to stay, "Please!"

"What is it?" he sighed irritably. 

I took a deep breath, trying to put into words the emotions that were bubbling out of me like a stream,"When will things ever be the same between us again?"

He stared at me, and for a moment his features softened, and I saw the same hurt in his eyes the same day last year, and the night I told him I was engaged.

Time and time again I had let him down, and left him picking up the pieces.

Then his features hardened and I saw the same cold glare he had used a time too many.

Sure, he put the pieces back, but they weren't holding.

"You were the one who broke up the band, Gerard! I could have done this for another twenty years, but no, you wouldn't!"

"The band was already fizzling out, Frank-"

"Look, you said that as long as everyone kept believing, this band would be here! It was a lie, wasn't it? Who said that this band was a life sentence? Who said that it was a life sentence he enjoyed? Did I put that in your mouth? No! You did." he shouted.

"Frank-"

"I'm okay now, Gerard, it was all your decision," his voice softened now, weak and tired.

He continued in a whisper, choked with tears, "It was the same as the day you married her. I've gotten over it, really, I have. But you can't stop scars from happening. I'm glad you're having a great time yourself, breaking promises and hearts." I never knew what to say.

"I'm sorry." I blurted.

"Yeah. I hope you're happy now," his voice was barely audible, laced with pain and regret.

Regret is an useless emotion.

With a startling finality, he wrenched his hand out of my grasp, and began the walk back to his house.