Even Though the Sun Sets

Chapter 1

April 21st 2012

“Blair!  You’re retiring?”

“No, not retiring.  I’m just on… Hiatus.”

“Why?  Why would you do this to me?  Why now?”

Of course Jenna was only concerned how this would affect her.

“Look, Jenna I will go to award shows and do interviews and whatever else you want me to do, but only if my “schedule” allows for it.  You do however; have to put the arena tour, the next album, radio and mall tours all on hold,” I argued losing my patience with her. 

“Why?! I don’t understand?  The public won’t wait for you? They’ll think you’re in rehab or worse.  They'll forget about you.  Why can't you just do it!?”  She asked.

“Because my sister is sick,”  My shoulders started to shake as the words escaped my mouth for the first time since I got the news.  I broke down right then and there.  I let the tears fall down my face and onto my shirt.  Saying it out loud made it seem so much more... real.  Jenna was finally silent.  “She has leukemia.  She was diagnosed last week.  She has a chance for survival, but there still not sure.  We're waiting for more test results, but if they don't start treatment now there's a possibility that she won't survive past a year.  That’s all I have.  One year.  You see why I have to take a break?  I can continue after this year, I can wait.  My sister?  She can’t.  That’s why I can’t do it.”

*1 week later*

Jenna finally agreed.  She understood and we decided we were going to play it by ear.  As for me, I was on my way to the hospital.  I pulled into the parking lot and walked in.  I greeted the front nurse as she gave me the sign-in book.  “How is she today?” I asked.  She smiled slightly, “Today was the first day with the therapist.  She’ll feel better when she sees you.”  I nodded and quickly walked to her private room.  I knocked quietly.  No answer.  I opened the door and walked into a huge mess of papers and a disgruntled middle aged woman in a pantsuit.  Hair was escaping her bun and her eyes had a crazy look to them.  She looked up at me and sneered.  Within seconds she grabbed her bag and ran from the room.  I sighed, “El, you can’t keep doing that.”

She sat on the bench in front of the window with her knees pulled up to her chest.  Her long blonde hair fell down her back and still looked like spun gold.  Her eyes were still green and bright.  She looked fine, like nothing was wrong. 

“Doing what?  It’s not my fault these pathetic therapists can’t handle me.  Besides, the only therapy I need is chemo or whatever.  Not some stupid psychological therapist," she sneered.

"The doctor suggested it.  It could really help you, but only if you stop giving them a hard time," I said.  "I’m just doing what the doctors told me to do," she retorted. 

“Yea, because the doctors totally wanted you to be fresh and sarcastic so you scare away anyone that tries to help you,” I replied icily. 

The smile fell from her face.  “Well I’m sorry to be such a burden.  Didn’t realize my death would bring out your feisty side.”

“Delia.  Stop it."  I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.  “Look, El I’m sorry.  Where’s Annie?”

“She’s at her Pilates class with her new beau.  What else is new, besides it’s not like she actually cares.  I don't really care either, it's not like I'm dying or anything," Her words dripped with sarcasm, but the fear could be heard creeping into her voice.  

"Well, how are you doing?"  I asked.  

Her eyes glared at me with such anger.  "How do you think I'm doing?  Do you want me to say 'I'm fine' or 'I'm ok' because I'll say it.  I will, but you know more than anybody that I'm far from it.  You want me to pretend that I don't know what's going on?  I know what leukemia is, there is a thing called the internet!  You know what else?  I know that I might not survive this.  Sure, I could be 'Miss. Optimistic' and think, I'm gonna live, but you know what?  I'm not and you can try to tell me that there's still some tests to run and whatever, but you're not the one who's been stuck here for the past week being picked and prodded at."