We Were Born To Die

All I Need

“Tate…” Alice stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking around the basement nervously. She hated the eerie air about the place, hated the dark, but if she were to find Tate, she needed to come down here. It was the only place left to check, and she knew he was down here. He had to be. “Tate, please, I need to talk to you.”

It was the desperation in her voice that made Tate let her see him. He didn’t move from where he was though, just stood in the doorway, watching the petite girl. Her hair was a mess, her clothes slightly disheveled. It killed him to see her like that, so upset and desperate for something better. It was also his fault, he knew that. It was all he could think of for the last five days since he had told her the truth. He killed her and somehow managed to fuck it up even more. God, he was a fucking idiot.

“Tate…” She breathed his name, genuinely surprised to see him again. She had nearly convinced herself that she never would. He was good at hiding from those he didn’t want to see. He was good at hiding from everyone. “I can’t… I can’t hate you.” She declared quietly, biting her bottom lip. “I can’t hate you, and I don’t think you’re a monster. Nothing you ever say or do will change that.”

"Why can’t you just fucking understand? I am a monster. I killed fifteen kids that were just like us, Alice. I killed you. You need to hate me because that’s all I fucking deserve. I deserve to be hated and miserable and alone just like every other monster. I’ve done so many horrible fucking things that I need to suffer for. You’re the complete opposite of me, Alice. You’re pure and you’re kind and you deserve happiness. I’m the darkness, I’ll only ruin you.”

“Shut up!” Alice’s voice rose, looking at him with a surprising determination. He stopped talking, staring at her in shock. She never told anyone to shut up, ever. Not even jokingly. He realized then just how serious she must be about this. “You saved me, time and time again, so I can’t believe you will ruin me. I can’t hate you, even if I tried, because you don’t hate your best friend, Tate. You don’t hate someone who means so much to you. I tried to hate you when you left me alone in the world, when you killed those kids, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t. You’re all I’ve ever had.” At some point in her speech, her voice got shakier, her eyes filled with tears, and as soon as the last word escaped her lips, she let out a tiny sob, rubbing her hands over her eyes in an attempt to stop crying.

“Even if you were the awful things you said, I would never hate you because…” She added after she managed to control her crying slightly, brushing away the tears from her cheeks. Because I love you. “Because you’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you.” 

At the sight of Alice, standing in front of him, looking as broken and alone as she did, he finally clued in. He had thought she was crying because he fucked up, because he really did deserve to be hated. No one should make their best friend cry. That wasn’t it at all, though. The flash of fear he kept catching in her eye, the words she chose. She was crying because she was afraid to lose him. His eyes started blurring as tears collected and he walked forward, wrapping his arms around the blonde and resting his cheek against the top of her head. He didn’t care if she needed to hate him anymore, he didn’t care if he thought he was a horrible friend. She, out of everyone in the entire fucking house, deserved to be happy. 

“You aren’t going to lose me, Alice. If that’s what you want, you’re never going to lose me.” He whispered, feeling her cling to the front of his shirt. He closed his eyes, forcing his tears away. 

“Y-you better mean t-that.” Alice replied quietly, so quiet that he almost didn’t hear it. He pulled her closer to him in a nearly crushing embrace. It was terrifying that someone actually thought so highly of him that they would be so upset at the thought of not having him, but with his past with Alice, it was almost a comforting thought. He must have done something right, somewhere along the line, for her to still be here. “I… I can’t… I don’t know what to do without y-you…”

“Trust me, I mean it.” He whispered the words, looking down at the tiny girl in his arms. How much easier it would have been if he had never been told what he did to get shot by the police. He never would have remembered that he had been the one to trap Alice here. It was just another reason to hate the woman who claimed to be his mother. She had managed to fuck this up without even being directly involved.

He still hated that she forgave him so easily, no matter what he did, but he couldn’t bring himself to punish her for that. He couldn’t truly let her go, like she clearly couldn’t let him go. He deserved the suffering that this house brought him, but she didn’t. She didn’t deserve to suffer at all. And as much as he wanted her to hate him, Tate was terrified for the day where she actually did. He didn’t want to lose his best friend no matter how much it may sound like the opposite.