See You In The Battlefield - Naegiri

2

"You need to understand that I'm not ready to commit to anyone.
I want to love.I want to feel that deep connection with somebody, but I just can't do it now.if I get serious with someone at this point of my life, I would end up hurting them because I'm still trying to find myself...

love myself.

I'm still trying to mend all the broken pieces.
So I refuse to put someone else heart at risk for my selfish reasons" 

-M. Sosa

She lied, it was the first time Kyoko Kirigiri had been lying on a trial, but talking to her father, finding who she was, was more important then this boy she had met. because, they just met. but deep down, she hoped, she hoped he could say she's wrong, proving with his evidance, the master key. so why? why did he kept silence about it? he's going to die. Was he that Naive? or perhaps, he trusted her? or maybe he was more kind that she thought, all these thoughts make her heart sink. the rest of the trial was blurry, except the fact that they he was the culprit, of a murder he never done, and that he's going to die, his shock and his face falling into depression. it made her heart sink more, it made it beat so hard, it was hard to breath, tears almost rolled her eyes when she realised what she have done, she killed him, just like what she did to her.

she woke up, almost screaming, tears rolled down her eyes to her cheeks and mouth, they were salty, it was a nightmare, but it affect her more then her usual nightmares. this nightmare wasn't usual. it wasn't about Yui. it was about him. finally she could admit, she was afraid, she was afraid getting close to him. she needs to push him away, so he won't get killed by her, no matter how harsh she might get.
yes. that's it. she'll end whatever relationship they had.

he'll get close to Sayaka, forget about her and she'll be a loner wolf again.
but, life is not that simple it seems.

after few hours of thinking and staying awake, she stood up. she needs to go to school, although she slept few hours she felt fine, she felt more awake then usual, she wore her school uniform and after that she left the house, taking a long walk to school, thinking about things. When she got to class he greeted her with his hand, she ignored it, like she didn't see it.
He looked slight sad which hurt her in her chest, but she decided to ignore it. going to sit on her sit and looking at her stupid classmates.
although shortly after he came toward her shyly.  
"Kyoko? are you mad at me?" he asked her, it hurt her that he thought that, she was mad at herself that she got close to him, and that she was so anxious. she simply ignored him, poker face on her and she didn't bare to look at him. After few moments he walked away, she hoped he thought that she didn't ignore him, she hoped that he'll move on from her.

The day been extremely boring, nothing special happen, one of the breaks, his friend came to Kyoko.

"Hi Kyoko! mind if we talk for a bit?" she had a cheerful smile on her, too cheerful. Kyoko simply nodded.
"My friend told me that suddenly you stopped talking to him, he's so confused and he seemed even upset about it.. are you mad at him or something?"
"No I'm not, I'm not feeling quite good." it escaped her mouth, she regretted each word she said.
She nodded, before walking away, probably telling Makoto about her answer. perhaps it was the right thing... 

She felt something is coming toward her, a flashback, about her past, about Yui, about her fateful mistake, she felt sick and terrified, her heart was beating fast. she stood up, going out of class. she breath deeply, to calm herself down. it was like she wasn't on reality, like something waking up on her head and trying to break her down, after few moments of breating she could see reality again. bell was ringing at the moment, which means the break was ending, but she didn't want to facr class she was too tired for it. 

She sighed, deciding she'll go to class anyway. she sat on her place. She could see worried face from the boy, wait.. did he notice her, it made her blush, the fact that he worried about girl he never met and a girl who was extremely mean for him, it was so unlogical and it so kind, too kind.
this boy was so strange. Which gave her more determination to push him away, she mustn't destroy him. made him like her.

he was too good for her.

Soon class was over. did she spend all class thinking about him? it was so unlike her but so like her at the same time. school was over.

she took her things quickly, she tried to be the fastest before he'll notice her and ask her about things.
she stood up and she walked out of class, carrying her things.
"Kyoko? are you okay?" she could hear him, she looked at him.
"Why do you care?" she asked him, really, they just met, people are suppose to care about someone they just met.
"H-huh? Y-you seemed unwell beforehand and I felt worried-"
"Don't worry about me, we just met." She said coldly before walking away so he won't answer to her. she hoped he'll understand what she meant.
that she doesn't want to talk with him, that she want him to move on and forget about her.
that she'll be on her misery alone.

but that future hurt her, is she going to die alone? without nobody to understand her? facing that emptiness forever?
she felt so confused...

She got home, falling into her bed sheets and she started crying, she wasn't sure why, but she cried, she felt her mind going crazy. she tried to keep everything on control but everything escaped through her fingers. maybe she just need to stop, stop worrying, stop trying to control, just going with the flow. 

but how?

she didn't know, and as a detective she needs to learn it.

----

well, that was fun to write, although I failed so much T u T
I have no clue where am I going TuT
should I keep this story only as Kyoko POV Or Makoto POV Would be great too?
please write your opinion down below and if I did any mistake please tell me I'd like to know!