Broken

confused

Listen to scared to be lonely by dua lipa.

The last couple of days were much better . Especially with Sydney's company , i started getting used to her being home with me.

I'm terrified of being alone now more than ever, Sydney's a crazy girl but i like her .the thing is i know one day she'll move, and I'll be alone all over again,i don't wanna think about it for the moment.

Things are great ,my job is permanent now ,In fact ,i graduated or rather took my diplomat in nursing, and I'm getting paid ,at least all my effort did not go down the drain.

It's been a month since Sydney settled with me. And she made it her mission to change me , or i quoate" I'm gonna break your shallow Irine, just follow my instructions and you will no longer be that broken girl i used to know"  i stick my tongue out for what she's going to do "God help me please"

Recently and during Sydney's staying with me , i noticed that my nightmares are a little less terrifying, i still see some visions from that night.
the thing is i don't hear voices anymore, which is great 'cause those voices remind me of my parents and the last time i saw them.

I open my eyes and recall the good memories.

The way mom used to brush my hair" your hair smells like strawberry darling"
She used to smell me and huggs me every day, i miss her a lot.
i look a lot like her , i have her brown hair , my eyes are brown like dad's, whereas,  mom's eyes are green like the lake we used to live nearby. I think i could stare at her with getting bored at all , she was so beautiful.
Her voice makes me relax ,and feel secured.

We used to go me and dad fishing,  and bring with us fish . Mom was a great cooker.

, those days were the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't remember a day i was sad during my life with my parents.

Now tears are falling from my eyes now , i don't know what i have done wrong to be punished this way. But on the other hand i know that everything has a reason.

As long as I'm breathing,  i won't give up , i really wanna change , it's been years now , i think i should move on.

That's why I'm saying yes to anything Sydney suggests.

She thinks I'm worried about Matt and the break up thing , while all what i think about is getting rid from my pathetic dreams.

I've never hid something from her ,she knows nearly everything about me.

Sydney knows I'm not affected by the break up that much . Am i?

but she never brought it up, and I'm glad she doesn't push me to talk about it.

Her voice snapped me : Irine! !
Mm i look at her skeptically what?
I know that look ,every time she looks at me like that ,something wrong is gonna happened.

Let's do something fun , i glance at her

What do you have in mind?
She looks surprised:  you mean you agree on doing something fun .
Like i sad before i have no choice.

She knows that ,that's why she's grinning like a little kid .

When was the last time you went out.

Mm i don't answer her, the last time i had fun was the dinner party with Matt, though it ended dramatically.

Ok, I'm taking you out , you're my date for the night .Sydney smiles that mischievous laugh.

She knows what I'm about to say , and cuts me before i say anything.