Truly Free // COMPLETED

TASK 5

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December 2, 2016

What I feel, going over to Gray's house today is different. Usually I' m all excited to go see the Corley's in all their perfect family glory, but as soon as I got that dreaded "we need to talk" text, I've been nothing but nervous. Naturally I thought he wanted to break up with me, but then realistic Addison came to the rescue and informed me that we can't break up if we were never together.

I wish we were together...

Okay. I've admitted it to myself that I seriously have a crush on Gray, but "crush" seems like the wrong word. My feelings rest somewhere in the space between " I really really really really like you" and "I'm in love with you and we need to get married and have six kids" and they're only growing every day. I don't know exactly what I feel, but I know it's something decently strong but not head over heels in love.

This is hard.

So, as I walk the short distance to Gray's house, my thoughts run rampant through my head. I knock on the front door and he opens up and lets me in. I greet his parents and we chat for a while before Gray grabs his truck keys and ushers me back outside.

"Glad you dressed warm," he says to me. "You're good with pizza right? My parents have this date night planned so we'll have the house to ourselves, I've just gotta go pick dinner up."

I nod and slide into the truck, anxious about the conversation he wants to have. This whole situation feels off. His demeanor, the tension in the air, it's like the atmosphere has shifted just a little bit and everything is just a little bit out of sorts.

"I don't want you to think I'm mad at you, 'cause I'm not. I just want to talk, like really talk. We haven't done that in a while. I know you and your crazy self, and I know you're overthinking everything right now so," he leans over a little bit and taps the side of my head with his finger, "chill out. "

"I don't know how to chill out," I laugh and smack his hand away. Once we pick up our dinner and return home- well, his home- his parents are walking downstairs together looking insanely in love. They look so cute, all dressed up. I think back to my own parents next door. My mom has gotten tons better and my dad is supporting her every day. I'm proud of our family and how strong we've gotten over the past months and how much closer we've gotten. I think we've come to realize that moping around isn't what Andrew would've wanted.

Once the Corleys have left, Gray and I settle down in his room with the pizza. He sits in his desk chair while I make myself comfortable on his bed so we can face each other.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I ask.

"Nothing in particular. Just wanted to ask some stuff answer some questions, I don't know. "

I nod and sit still until Gray speaks again.

"Okay. I'm going for it. Have you heard from Howard recently?"

"No. Why?"

"Well, he's been texting me all week wondering if you're into him. You know he really likes you," he says, shocking me.

"What? I don't like him like that! What did you tell him?"

"I told him you 'have had your sights set on someone else for a while.'"

"You lied to him?" I ask wide-eyed.

"Did I?"

Oh my god.

"Okay, not entirely. I do kind of like someone. But, if you think I'm gonna tell you who it is you're insane. "

I can think of a lot of unpleasant things. Like, falling into a pit of spiders or having to wake up at six o'clock on a Saturday. But telling Gray that I have a crush on him is a no-go. You see, once in the fourth grade, there was this boy named Chase. I always had a crush on him, but he never knew it. One day his friends dared him to tell me that he liked me, so when I told him I liked him back, I looked like an idiot because Chase didn't mean it.

Dumb example but I was still scarred for life.

"No no no! I wanna know!" Gray yells from his chair.

"Nuh-uh. I'm not gonna tell you, dude. I'm not embarrassing myself today. "

"Why would you be embarrassed to tell me, Ads? Unless you had a crush on me... then I'd get the embarrassment part... "

Well, shit.

Everything gets real quiet for a few moments while Gray and I just look at each other. We don't say anything, but I feel like something's shifted again in the air like we both want to say something but we just don't. We sit like that for a good minute before he gets up off his desk chair and sits next to me on the bed. He moves the pizza box to his desk and turns to face me.

"It's not me, right?" he asks.

"If it was would you be mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you, Addison? If you told me you liked me, I'd tell you how I felt. Whether I felt the same or not. "

"Do you feel the same?" I whisper.

"Depends on if you like me or not," he says. I feel him subtly getting closer to me with every word. For some reason I don't want him to stop. I want him to keep leaning in closer, keep looking at me, keep speaking softly and breathing heavily. I think I just want him.

And I guess he feels the same.

Before I know it, he's gently grasped the side of my face with his hand with the other resting on my knee. He quickly moves his face towards mine and with one final gasp of surprise from me, our lips finally connect. Everyone always told me that my first kiss would be awkward and I would hate it. But right now, kissing Gray Corley, the world seems absolutely perfect.