Wonder >> Harry Styles

Chapter 3

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Wonder: Chapter 3

Harry and I have had a lot of tension lately. I started hurting myself again, I tried overdosing a week ago and as I laid there feeling like I was slowly dying I realized what would happen when I was gone. Everything would just get a lot worse for Harry and I can't let that happen. Harry had came home just in time to call the ambulance I couldn't help but feel horrible, I almost felt as if I was being selfish. I can only wonder what was going through Harry's mind as he saw me lying on the bathroom floor. I love him so much but sometimes I feel like he would rather see me dead rather than alive.

As we arrived to the hospital Harry sat next to me holding back his tears as he held my hand tight never wanting to let go. I tried telling Harry that I would be okay but I couldn't manage a sound, so I just nodded and showed him a weak smile. We were soon separated as the doctors had to pump my stomach to get rid of the pills. A few hours later Harry was allowed to see me and he smiled as he walked in but his eyes were bloodshot from crying. "I'm sorry." Is all I manage to say. "Can you just tell me why?" Harry says sadly. "I just wanted to get away..." I reply. "But I need you, Rebecca, I can't live a day without you. You make me whole, without you I would be nothing." He says with tears rolling down his cheek. I motioned for him to come closer. 

"I love you Harry and you know that. I don't want you thinking for a second that I don't care about you; I would do anything for you. I'm sorry that I did this, I really am. There's so much stress into loving a guy who's famous but I guess I'm willing to fight because you're all that I have." I say with tears running down my face. I really do feel bad but I can't tell if I regret what I did. I mean sometimes you feel like its better if you're just gone from everything, it's the easy way out of things, but is it the best way? I'll never really know but I can always wonder. He leans towards me and gives me a tight hug and a passionate kiss on the cheek as he walks out of the room so I can rest. I wish I could take away all of Harry's pain from today, it would've been better if he had never met me and we never had fallen in love. I love him so much, but I hate doing this to him, I just can't help myself. I slowly fall asleep trying to forget every mistake I made today, but suddenly I start to shake uncontrollably and sweat. Harry looks through the door window and calls for help. Three doctors rush into my room and check what's going on. They check my blood pressure and it was high from nervousness. They try to calm me down and tell me to stay hydrated; they tell Harry to stay in the room with me at all times to see if anything else happens. They had also told me if I begin to shake, sweat, or have chest pains, or any type of discomfort they may know what is happening.

Several hours later I feel a lot of discomfort and my palms begin to sweat. Harry notices from holding my hand and he presses a button, calling the doctor, and kisses my forehead. My doctor comes in and tells me, "Rebecca we have come to the conclusion that you have panic disorder. This can be treated with medication and therapy, which is optional; we are going to give you some antidepressants that will help ease your panic attacks. You have come into the hospital before because of a panic attack; is that correct?" I nod. "You will stay in the hospital for two more days and you will start taking your medication right now. You will be taking these antidepressants for six weeks and then you will come back and we will see if you have improved, if you do not improve you will get a higher dose of your medication and then that should work. Now Harry I want you staying by Rebecca's side till she leaves the hospital in two days. When you return home I want you to keep a close eye on her and make sure that she is taking her medication and the correct amount. I recommend you hide her medications so she does not try to overdose once again." "I promise I will keep a very close eye on her, Dr. Casey." Harry says. "Very well then I shall be going the nurse will come soon with your medication. Rebecca, you are very lucky that Harry noticed you when he did or you would not be alive right now." Dr. Casey says as he opens the door to leave. "I know." I say looking at Harry with loving eyes as I reach for his hand. 

The nurse comes into my room to give me my medication and makes sure everything is okay by asking me many questions. My chest pain and discomfort had gone away and so did my sweaty palms. The nurse smiled seeing that I was now relaxed and slowly dosed off. Before she left she told me that my new medication will make me drowsy so I should not drive or go to work after I take my medication so I should take it before I go to bed and I should be fine. Harry smiles towards me seeing that I'm doing a lot better than I was an hour ago. I'm so lucky to have him with me and I hope he stays with me for the rest of my life.