I used to feel guilt.
But you get so used to doing bad things,
I don't feel guilt anymore.
. . .
You expiration date passed a long time ago,
I just wasn't ready to throw you out.
1:29 AM
8/22/17
It's amazing how fast things can end,
when you never cared to began with.
11:24 PM
8/28/17
You never promised a forever.
I only made it up.
4:34 PM
8/31/17
Looking at them then,
Walking away with a lingering happiness,
It occurred to me that I'd never seen something so pure,
So unwritten,
So unplanned,
As a love of youth.
3:55 PM
9/19/17
There must be something wrong with me,
to be subjected to this amount of pain,
and still long for your touch.
10:20 PM
1/14/18
I can tell myself I'll get through this,
and I can pretend the pain away,
can pretend the hate,
but I can't pretend the leftover scars.
10:24 PM
1/14/18
I've always associated love,
with one universal feeling,
as if love had no room to be shaped and molded,
when I met you,
is when I realized how truly wrong I was.
10:27 PM
1/14/18
At first,
you think you'll never forget,
you'll never move on.
But as time goes on,
they come up less and less,
and you lose more and more of them,
until eventually,
they no longer fit on your tongue,
and eventually,
they've lost the reservation in your head.
10:34 PM
1/14/18
I'd rather be broken and shattered and crushed,
than stop loving you.
10:36 PM
1/14/18
i've been checking to see if you still listen to my playlist for you.
you don't.
neither do I, listen to yours for me.
but for a different reason, i think.
when I listen to yours,
i start to think about you.
and thinking becomes wanting and
wanting becomes needing and
needing becomes complete desperation for you.
desperation makes me text you things i can't untext,
makes me feel feelings i can't unfeel,
makes you hold hatred you can't unhate.
it's hard to forget about your stupid playlist,
when every stupid song reminds me of every stupid you.
every stupid you that has become a part of me,
has built it's foundations into mine,
has carved it's initials over every vein,
every muscle,
every bone,
every breath,
every heartbeat,
every cell,
every atom,
every electron.
you've only ever been negative in my life.
maybe i have in yours, too.
4:47 PM
1/17/18
If I say I'm sick,
will I be exempt from loving you?
10:41 PM
1/14/18
Crazy to think,
one decision got us this far.
Crazy to think,
I could have forgotten about you;
where you went.
If I had known being close to you was gonna feel like this,
tell me, love,
would I have stayed?
[to the girl
who will never
read this]
5:10 PM
1/17/18
you finally left.
but you forgot to grab the part of you that still lingers in my thoughts
on your way out.
5:14 PM
1/17/18
