Tale as Old as Time

Chapter 21

The rest of November was just spent between work and prepping for my birthday. Tom was coming to visit again. I had lots of cool friends and family nearby. I was looking forward to having a party at my house. Then something happened that made any plans I had insignificant and redundant.

Three days before the party Chris and I were sleeping. He was draped over me and I was snapped out of a dream about traveling with the Doctor by my phone.

I scrabbled for it in the dark, half asleep and managed to answer it without even checking to see who was calling.

"Hello?" I said blearily.

"Emily? It's your Aunt Tracey." The voice said on the other end. "I know it's late but I thought you'd want to know straight away."

I sat up and my chest tightened. My Aunt and Uncle spoke exclusively through me via facebook. I literally don't think I'd ever even spoken to them on the phone in my life. I sat bolt upright.

"What's wrong?" I said.

Chris looked up at me blinking, his brow furrowed.

"It's your dad. He had a heart attack. He passed away about an hour ago." Tracey said.

It felt like time stopped. How could this have happened? He was only in his mid fifties. I was supposed to fix things with him. How could he have died hating me?

"Emily are you still there?" Tracey asked.

"Yeah. Sorry. I'm here." I answered. It came out monotone. Like I was a robot.

"I know things were tense between you. I understand if you don't want to be there. I just thought someone should tell you. The funeral is in Canberra on Wednesday of next week. I can send you the details if you want to come." She explained.

"Yes, please. I'll come. I should come." I answered.

"Are you okay, Emily?" She asked.

"I think so. I don't know. It's a shock. Are you okay?" I replied.

She laughed. It was hollow. "I feel the same way, honey. I'll let you go. Maybe I'll see you soon."

"Okay. I love you." I said.

"Love you too." She disconnected the call and I put my phone back on the bedside table.

"Who was that?" Chris asked, as I lay back down.

"Aunt Tracey." I answered.

He put his arm over me. "Is everything okay?"

"My dad died." I said.

"Oh fuck. Emily..." Chris hissed.

I pressed my face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. I started to cry.

*****

I called off my party. My closest friends still came to see me. Gaby, Krysten, Tom, Chris' family. It was really low key and mostly I didn't socialise. I was just sad. I felt stupidly angry about how much grief I was feeling considering I'd already had to get used to the fact my dad wasn't going to be a part of my life. It just rekindled all my guilt and hatred of myself. The rejection I felt from my family. The fact I hadn't managed to start my own family. I was once again feeling certain that despite how I had this new family of people who appeared to love me, that they must not really. It was only a matter of time before they realised I was unlovable too and abandoned me.

The funeral was the day before Thanksgiving which meant we had to miss that. I told Chris to just stay but he refused. I should have felt relieved or thankful that he wanted to support me. All it did was make me worry that he'd be resentful that he missed the holiday with his family to be with me.