Jealous of Her

Chapter 3

Kazuto's POV

The morning sunlight filtered through my curtains and beamed down directly onto my eyes.

"Another happy day!" It seemed to say. "Time to get up and smile, because that's obviously what you want to do today!"

I groaned, and put my arm on top of my bleary eyes that hadn't slept all night.

"Kazutooooo!!" Midori yelled from the kitchen. "You're going to be laaaaate!" I slowly took my arm off my eyes and sat up. I got dressed in my usual dreary black clothes, grabbed my phone from its charger, and slipped it into my pocket. I went downstairs, grabbed a piece of toast and my backpack, and walked out the door with a brief "bye" to Midori. The walk (more like a trudge, at this point) there seemed to take longer than usual.

Thoughts and possible scenarios rushed through my head. There were 14,000,605 possible outcomes, and in only one of them, Asuna forgave me and I survived school. I had a feeling I wasn't going to make it happen.

Somehow, I arrived at school on time and made my way through the bustling hallways. I could feel everyone's eyes on my back as I trudged to my homeroom class, and they all whispered and pointed. I slouched over and was about to put my hood on my head, but then I realized that was against the stupid school rules.

I caught a whiff of a familiar flowery scent, then felt a tap on my hunched right shoulder. I turned around, already knowing who it was. Lo and behold, my girlfriend who was most likely exploding with anger because of me.

I braced myself for a fiery beating, either physically or verbally, but what I saw shocked me instead. Her wide, hazel eyes were a little pink around the edges, her crazily long chestnut hair was disheveled, and her normally-neat clothes were wrinkled and seemed to be thrown on carelessly.

"Asuna, I..." I spoke, my voice weak, but she cut me off almost immediately.

"Kazuto, I think it would be better for both of us if we just... broke up," she said, her pinkish eyes boring into mine. "It's not working out." I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Looking stupid, I closed it again. I knew that when her mind was set, there was nothing that could change her mind for at least a while. And after what had happened... I didn't think that anything could repair the trust that had been broken.

But... I had promised Liz. I would at least try.

"Asuna, I didn't mean to-"

"Stop," she cut me off again. "Stop lying."

"I'm not ly-"

"Just shut up!" She sighed. "I'm trying to cut this off in the best way possible for both of us. So just... make this easier for us and accept it."

Her mind was completely set. I looked her in the eyes and saw no fire, just a dull, broken brown devoid of emotion.

I wasn't going to accept this outcome. I lost this fight, but I would win the war.

So, I nodded my head solemnly, and that simple gesture ended our relationship just like that. I walked quickly to class, sat down at my desk, and took out my materials for Pre-Calculus. I grasped my pencil in my hand and stared at the board as the teacher began the lesson.

Even so, I could feel all their eyes on me. Boring into me, labeling me a freak, a cheater, the disgraced hero of Sword Art Online.

I closed my eyes, but even in the beckoning darkness, I could hear the hushed whispers of gossiping students. They grew louder and louder, and their voices went higher and higher.

The teacher tried to quiet them down, but the gossiping still wouldn't stop.

A sharp ringing noise cut through my hearing as I began to breathe quicker and my heartbeat rose.

"Have you heard-" I clenched my pencil.

"-cheating on Asuna, of all people!" I gritted my teeth.

"-an idiot, don't you think?" My fists were shaking.

"-liar and a cheater!" My pencil snapped in two.

"We should stay away from him." My rage exploded.

"Why do you think that I can't hear your stupid rumors?!" I screamed, jumping to my feet and pushing my desk and chair away, turning angrily to face the source of the gossipers. "Do you think I'm deaf?!" I clenched my fists and pulled in a sharp, hard breath, my blood pounding in my head all the while. My face had surely flushed, and tears had collected in my eyes. "You don't even know the whole story, yet you just sit around, giggle, and spread rumors! You're clueless as to what actually happened, so just shut the hell up!!" I slammed my fists down on my desk as my eyes furiously blazed at the group of my now-terrified classmates. I grabbed my bag and ran out of the class, not daring to look back as the teacher yelled my name.

Scalding tears dripped down my face, but I just wiped them with my sleeve as I sped away from the school. I don't remember how, but I ended up on the steps of the front porch of my house, and I sat there for a very long time. Numb, unfeeling, and detached, I sat there, my eyes blank and my mind in a different world.

Forget what Liz said. This was my fault. I should've done something to stop Suguha's kiss. I should've dodged, or maybe even taken a drink of water to block her. Maybe if I had just done one small thing differently, I wouldn't be in this situation. But I messed up. It really was all my fault.

"Kazuto?" Midori asked, stepping out of the house. She walked over to me. "What are you doing out here? The school called and said that you... ran away. Is that true?" I looked over at her and nodded slightly. Her face crinkled, and her eyebrows knitted together. "Is everything alright? Did you get in a fight?"

"I'm sorry, Midori," My empty voice mumbled. "I don't want to worry you. I'm fine." Her expression softened again.

"Kazuto... I know you don't feel like talking now, and I won't force you to. But remember that I'm on your side, okay? Even if it seems like it's the end of the world, I'll be there for you."

I steeled my resolve. I was going to tell her what happened, no matter the consequences. I opened my mouth and began to say...

"...Yeah, thanks," I said quietly. "I appreciate it." She peered at my face, then nodded her head.

"Alright, Kazuto," said Midori. "C'mon, let's go inside... Have you seen my phone anywhere recently? I think I lost it a few days ago..."

Stupid! Why couldn't I say it?! I meant to, but... I couldn't do it in the end. Why? Fear was the only answer.

After talking a bit more with her, I went into my room, feeling even more empty than I was before. I did things unconsciously, almost robotically. I wanted to tell her, I really did. But... I feared what would happen if she really wasn't on my side. Everything was my fault, and surely she'd say the same thing.

Am I really... hopeless? Would I ever find happiness? I didn't know. And I hated not knowing. I blinked, realizing that my finger was hovering over the 'call' button for Asuna. I backed out of it, turned off my phone, and put my head in my hands.

Hopeless.