Dedicated Suicide (Jerrie)

Chapter 5:Everything goes wrong

I can't believe it. She raped me. She frickin raped me! I was innocent, and she took my v-card. I was saving that for Perrie! Oh my god, what is Perrie gonna say? How mad is she gonna get? Jennifer finally got off of me, and I slowly dropped to the  floor and curled up into a ball. I looked around for my clothes and put them on as fast as I could. I ran out of Jennifer's house and went straight to mine. I stumbled into my home, and ran straight to the bathroom.  I can't even think properly. I need a break, or at least something to take away the pain.

Suicidal thoughts kill you on the inside, but your still alive on the outside.Keep it that way.

Those words sound so fucking useless. I tore open all the cabinets and dug around until I found my razor. I placed it on my wrist and slid it across slowly. The blood came out slowly, leaving a stinging pain. I started to cit letters on my wrist. Once I finished, my wrist was pretty bloody, and the word Useless was on my wrist, spelled in my own blood.

I still feel dirty, I can smell Jennifers sickening scent on my body. I peeled off my clothes, and stepped into the shower. The water made my cuts sting like crazy, but I ignored the pain, and focused on cleaning myself. I got out of the shower, and dragged myself into my room. I threw on some random clothes, and just layed in my bed. I loked at my wrist, and now the word useless was a reddish pink, looking kinda rawish. I knew Perrie was gonna come by here, so I lazily got up and put a long sleeve shirt on so I could hide the cuts.

I'm a disgrace. I said to myself. I got up and looked in the mirror that I had in my room, and I couldn't see anything about me that people would like.

I'm worthless. That thought came to me. Why would anybody love me? What do they see in me?

I should die. Those words rang in my head. Nobody would care if I did anyways.

Why am I still trying? For Perrie, I guess. She's probably the only person who would care if I left this world.

There was a knock on my bedroom door, breaking my train of suicidal thoughts. I slowly made my way over to the door, and I opened it.

"Hey baby. Did Jennifer touch you? Did she hurt you?" Perrie asked. Maybe I should tell her. No, bad idea. A voice in my head said. If she doesn't know, nothing bad well happen. The voice said again. I shook my head. Perrie smiled and sat next to me. I leaned against her and she put her arm around me. I feel so guilty, I need to tell her.

If you tell her she'll leave you.

But she would never leave me! I started arguing with the voices in my head.

Yes she will! You cheated on her! Why would she not?

I didn't cheat! It was Jennifers fault!

Now you're blaming others for your own fault! Just except the fact that you did cheat on Perrie!

But I didn't! Thats not what happened!

Do you really believe that?... It got to me. I leant forward andhide my face in my hands. It really was my fault.

"Jadey? Are you okay?" Perrie asked.

"Ye-yeah. Just tired, thats all" I lied.

"Here, lay down, its your room." Perrie said. I layed down and she covered me in my blankets.

"I'll see you tomorrow baba, just try to get some rest." She said, kissing my nose. She got up to leave, but I didn't want her to. Tears formed in my eyes, I quickly grabbed her wrist. She turned and her look sadden, probably because I had tears streaming down my face.