Impossible

Clarity

FRANK’S POV

It’s been a week since I was released from the hospital.  Gerard has been with me the whole time, he’s barely even left to go to work at the lab.  I think he’s afraid to leave me alone.  I guess I gave him good reason to be worried.  And if I’m totally honest, I like his attention, I really needed somebody to love.

It amazes me how life just keeps moving.  I’m already back at my classes and I’ve encouraged Gerard to go back to his lab.  I promised him that I’d be alright.  It’s a promise I intend to keep because he gives me something to live for.  I know I don’t know him all that well, but I’m finding out that he’s intelligent and hardworking.  He’s so gentle and sweet with me, I just can’t help but give my heart to him.  He’s just so easy to talk to, whenever I talk to him I always feel better.  I seriously believe that he could brighten any day.

I’m putting a lot into what I’ve got with him, I wonder if he’s as invested?  Gerard has so much going for him.  Will he get tired of being with me?  I really shouldn’t think like this and I’m trying not to, sometimes it’s just difficult.  I’ve been so negative and second-guessing myself for so long that… I guess it’s kind of hard not to.  But Gerard is helping with that.  He could be the answer….

It’s been almost a month now since Gerard and I’ve been together and I am loving every minute of it.  We’ve both been fairly busy with work and school but we always have time for each other.  Sometimes it seems like our relationship is moving really fast and other times it’s slower.  I mean, I’ve practically moved in with Gerard.  I spend a lot of time with him at his apartment and I’ll often stay the night.  But even so, we’ve only made love a couple times.  I think we were just trying to get used to reading each other at first, but even so there’ll be nights where all we do is cuddle and I’ll fall asleep in Gerard’s arms.  I like those nights where I’m close enough to listen to his heart beat.

It’s almost the end of the quarter now and I’m waiting in a library for Gerard to finish work at the lab.  We’re going back to his apartment now, and I wonder how long I’ll be welcome there when the quarter comes to a close.  I sit in the library café, staring at my coffee and thinking.

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t even notice Gerard come in until he’s sitting across from me.  He smiles, “Are you okay Frankie?”

I give my head a slight shake and smile back, “Yeah, just thinking.”

He waits for me to say something else but I just shrug my shoulders.  Cautiously, Gerard takes hold of my hands, “You know, I’ve been thinking too…. You’re still technically in the dorms right now?  Since you’ll have to leave there for the winter break, I was thinking that… that you don’t really have a place to stay.”

I’m a little confused by the way Gerard’s acting.  He’s usually so careful with his words, so why does he seem to be stumbling over them?  I want to come right out and ask if I can stay with him, but I figure I better not rush him if he’s not gonna say anything, “I guess I could always go back home….”

Gerard looks up at me, concern in his eyes, “Do you want to?”

“Not really… no,” I shrug.  Maybe I need to help Gerard get to what he really wants to say, “Did you have something in mind?”

“Well,” Gerard pauses, “I was hoping that maybe you’d want to come stay with me for the break and maybe if you liked it that maybe you could stay after the start of….”

 Oh my god, he just asked me to move in with him.  And not just for the break, he wants me to stay.  I can feel my eyes start to water and I look away.  I’m happy about this, so why am I crying?  I feel an arm around my shoulders and look to see Gerard sitting next to me.  I throw my arms around him and bury my face in his shoulder.  I don’t know why I’m crying so bad, but I can’t stop myself.  I finally manage to croak, “Yes.  I’d like that.” 

Gerard back a little and lifts my chin, “Don’t cry.”  He wipes away a trail of tears with his thumb.  But I end up just crying harder and hugging him tighter.  I never want to let him go.  “Don’t cry,” Gerard whispers again in my ear.  He lightly kisses my ear and rubs his hands along my back.  I can picture him smiling as he says, “Frankie… you’re too sweet.”