Pigtail Pulling

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PAM

I decided I had to start by finding out how Dwight felt about Jim. I couldn't quite figure out why, but I had a feeling that Dwight was into Jim. It was the same feeling I'd had about Jim. And that ended up being right.

Jim always seemed to come alive in Dwight's presence, and not even while playing pranks on him. When they were just quietly working, Jim would always peer up at Dwight periodically throughout the day, watching him when the other man wasn't looking. Of course, he also did the same thing with me, but with Dwight, it was totally different.

Still, it hadn't been enough for me to really register until the Diwali celebration. When Michael was singing his "Diwali" song inspired by Adam Sandler's "Chanukah" song, I had happened to glance over at Jim to find him staring raptly at Dwight. There was something in the way he was watching his coworker play that guitar that made it plainly obvious.

I'd known for quite a while that Jim was probably gay, but until that moment, I hadn't really thought that Jim could actually be interested in Dwight, of all people.

The next day after the Diwali celebration, I started the preliminary recon for Operation: Closet Storm (Okay, it's clearly a title in progress). My excitement as I woke and prepared for work that day, feeling like Tom Hanks and cracking DaVinci's code to find the secrets I sought, dissipated as the day wore on. I was getting nowhere with Dwight. The same thing happened the next day, and the next. The days turned into weeks.

I watched Dwight, looking for any sign, of anything. I watched him when Jim was around, when the others were around, and even on one lucky occasion when no one was around, and Dwight thought he was alone. I came to the conclusion that Dwight was a very hard man to read. It was obvious he tried to project an image of strength and control, but what this façade was hiding I couldn't really tell. Only in a few rare instances did that façade crack enough for me to catch glimpses of what was beneath it.

After Dwight's concussion, it seemed he had temporarily lost the need to keep his appearance of authority and control. What slipped out was the real Dwight, free from posturing, free from the wall that usually stood around him. That Dwight was goofy, friendly, and likable. That Dwight belonged with Jim. Oddly enough, that fun-loving Dwight saw the light of day when he was completely alone with Jim.

How could I incapacitate the stone-faced Dwight enough to really explore the Dwight underneath? I found myself curled up on the couch, trying to figure out a way to step up my plan and bouncing ideas off of my boyfriend, Peter.

"No, I know what I'm talking about here. The way you're describing it makes it sound like he puts on a front of strength to cover some weakness, or something he perceives to be a weakness," Peter states. "It's probably not just authority and strength. He probably strives to be macho too, perhaps an interest in sports?"

I thought about that for a second. "I guess so. Martial arts and— muscle cars! He drives a Pontiac Trans Am."

"Now, it could be a response to being gay, but it could be an insecurity over anything, really. Did he have a strict upbringing?" Peter asked.

"I'm not sure. I mean he grew up on a farm." I said.

"I bet that's a life in which he was taught he had to 'be a man' at all costs."

"No kidding. So how do I find out if homosexuality is one of the things he's feeling the need to cover up?" I questioned.

Peter shrugged, before answering, "You'll have to find some way to break him out of that cycle, even if for a second. Make him slip up in some way, and see if anything comes out. No pun intended."