How to rule a king

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Ronja:

I had comfortably been sitting under the covers of our king-sized bed when Alexei returned from his son's room after a story time-session that had lasted for over two hours. I put the book I had planned on reading before my thoughts had started to wander off down, watching my husband as he nursed an only half filled vodka glass while he grimly stared out of the floor-to-ceiling window.

Something was wrong. I could feel it. Even though we were alone, he still kept his hard mask on. He hadn't dropped it for a second since he had come home early tonight. He wasn't rude or harsh to neither his son nor myself by any means. Contrariwise Vasyli had been the center of his attention for the whole evening as my husband had listened to his son's childish stories while he had kept his hand firmly placed on the lower part of my thigh his thumb caressing its inside underneath the table. Even when we all had gathered in the living room for a movie session he had cuddled Vasyli, who had held a freshly washed Mr. Jasper in his tiny hands, on his lap while his left arm had been wrapped around my shoulders as his fingers had gently stroked my left biceps in a rhythmic pattern. Yet, I had immediately known something was wrong the second he had walked into the kitchen to greet us once he had returned home. He was behaving just like he had back on the yacht before asking me about his scars. Just like back then, he didn't want me to see that something was bothering him.

The stupid man still thinks he has to fight on his own.

I rolled out of the bed in a rather inelegant way, happy to see his back still turned towards me.

At least he hasn't seen my interpretation of a mealworm.

Standing straight, I tried to flatten my - well, his - wrinkled shirt before I moved towards him to close the gap between us as I hugged his towering form from behind, while I buried my head in the black fabrique of his cotton shirt. He immediately stiffened once he felt my touch on his back, before turning in my arms so that I would face his front rather than his scarred back.

"What's wrong, Alexei? You seem to be hundreds of miles away."

He shrugged his shoulders as his left arm winded itself around my upper body even stronger, while he gulped down the liquor he held in his right hand.

"Piotr told me you wanted to work on the children's project with him. Is that true, Милая мая?"

I had had enough time to mentally prepare myself for the fight that would most likely come. I had readied myself to give him a speech about me wanting to fight for my place at his side, about working my way to the top, about earning my crown on my own rather than getting it handed to me, as well as I had practiced my puppy eyes in front of the bathroom mirror while blowdrying my hair. I even choose to wear his favorite sleeping shirt to bed instead of simply slipping on one of my many own sleeping attires. All just to please him. Yet, all of my preparation, all of my courage, vanished the second I saw the now empty glass in his hand as my mind was vacant for anything except one thought.

The last time he drank vodka he nearly raped me inside this very room.

With my mind being blank, all I cared about was getting away from what I suddendly deemed to be the source of all danger. I violently started to squirm in Alexei's embrace, who immediately released me, searching for an explanation for my sudden change of behavior as I stumbled away from him while I kept my eyes trained on the glass in his right hand. The back of my thighs hit the edge of our bed, having me frantcially move on top of it before I curled myself into a tight ball as my eyes were still firmly trained on his right arm. The second Alexei realized what had triggered my sudden anxiety, the empty cyrstal glass hit the floor as it escaped his loosened grip. I slightly jumped at the sound of breaking glass as Alexei knelt down in front of our bed, reminding me of a rather unfortunate night not long ago. Just like back then he would place his hand in mine, gently caressing it before he moved onto the bed to gather my shivering form against him.