How to rule a king

во́семь

 Ronja:

Here we go. Real talk.

"Okay, then. What's on your heart, my husband?"

I couldn't help the teasing. He was so easy to enrage.

"Could you be serious for once?"

His tanned skin might do a good job hiding the red colour of his angered body, it couldn't however hide the veins popping out all around his throat.

"I'm sorry. You're just the first person I've had a real conversation with in ages. Nobody was allowed to talk to the princess back at the estate. So please forgive me for not holding my tongue when I finally get the chance to speak. I am just using an opportunity before you're shutting me up again, anyways."

"I wouldn't do that. Well, at least not if you can keep your sass at bay. Then I'd actually be interested in what you've got to say. If you can keep your mouth shut until we're in private that is."

It was quiet and seconds seemed to stretch into minutes before he started speaking again.

This time his voice dropped to some low growl barring his perfectly straight white teeth at me: "I can't have you mouthing off to me like that in public. I can't show affection in public. I won't smile at you, I won't hold your hand as a loving gesture and I won't lavish you with small kisses as long as we're surrounded by strangers. I can't risk that. I can't risk them knowing how weak you make me. It's bad enough I started a fucking war for you today by slaughtering those men who tried to kill you."

I blinked at his harsh words. Then again, was I really surprised about how planed on treating me. After all, this is Alexei Volkov we're talking about, not some kind of overly romantic teenage boy stuck in his first relationship. No, this was a grown man knowing exactly what he wanted from me. My inheritance was the reason for me sitting next to him (and still being alive), everything else we could ever possibly share with each other would only be an extra treat, he never really wanted to begin with, right? 

"What are you going to treat me like? When we are in public, I mean. Are you going to hurt me in front of your partners and enemies just to prove your point? Just to prove that you're still untouchable? Unbreakable? Unstoppable? Will you be acting any different when we are alone? Are you ever going to treat me as your equal?"

I hated how weak I sounded. I hated how weak I was at that moment. So desperate for him to tell me that this wasn't how I was going to spent the rest of my life. That I was't going to be his doll faced wife in public, just to turn into his rag doll in private.

You're pathetic. You thought you could lead, but look what a few harsh words from that man do to you. You cower in fear.

But I hated my train of thought even more. Last night I swore to myself to never feel so weak again. I was done putting up with bullies like my grandfather. Was done with men making me feel weak just because I was born with tits. I was done feeling worthless. Yet, here I am fearing this man instead of actually defying him. Being afraid of my future all over again.

He's going to abuse me just like them. No. I won't let him. I would rather die than let anybody get to me like that ever again.

He forced me back to reality when he spoke up again: "I can't be seen as weak. If they deem me so then God help us both. They won't just kill me -hell I don't care what happens to me, I deserve all of it- but I won't let them hurt you or my son. There's no way in hell I will ever let them hurt the both of you. That's why I have to be the way I am. Untouchable. If they see you as my Achilles heel any more than they already do, then they will be coming for you to get to me. To get to my throne. I can only protect you by playing the cold, cruel bustard I was showing you the first time we met. Now, listen closely, принце́сса: I might be acting possessive, uncaring, self-assured and cold in public but if you play along I will never truly hurt you, even if we are in public. Bow your head, stand behind me – if you have to beside me – never mouth off to me, be the respectful meek little wife your grandfather always wanted you to be and I promise you, you get to mouth off to me as much as my everlasting patience with you will allow it. I will not only make you a part of my family, but also let you be my most trusted advisor. I will include in all my decisions not as my equal but as my queen. Can you live with that, my wife?"