Bizarre Love Triangle (Hiatus)

CHAPTER 5

MEMORIES

"Nakakasawa ka."

Those words kept on ringing inside my head. They kept on hunting me. It was one of the most painful memories I had and I would trade everything and anything just so I could forget it. I would bury it, throw it away or burn it if I could.

Imagine, the person that I'd take a bullet for was behind the trigger.

What could be more painful than that? Na yung taong mahal mo ang papatay sayo.

Hindi ko alam na minsan dadating pala ang araw na hihilingin ko na huwag makita si Uno. My whole life, my eyes always searched for him. Buong buhay ko yung mga mata ko sa kanya lang palagi nakatingin. Siya lang yung palaging hinahanap. Siya lang yung palaging gustong makita.

I was always painfully aware of him. When he was nearby, my body hummed. When he was away, there was this dull ache. With him near, I felt everything. Even the tiniest detail — I felt him breathing. I felt him staring. I felt his every move.

I was achingly familiar with his presence. I would always know when he was around even when I'm not looking.

And it was ironic how he was so familiar to me yet it felt like I've never really knew him. Uno has always been a mystery unsolved. His walls were always too high and nobody ever dared to climbed them. I've tried. I've tried many times but they were too high I kept on falling.

Pero no matter how hard I tried na iwasan si Uno, the world never permitted it. The world was always too small for us two.

"Sky?" Tawag sa akin ni tita Ell. Lumapit ako sa kanya. Hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin sa mga mata niya. Uno got her brown eyes. He looks like tito Russell in general but he's taller and he's got tita Ell's eyes — only, hers were soft and comforting to look at. Uno's eyes, though they got the same exact shade of brown, were cold and blank and it felt like drowning whenever you look at them. It was like staring into endless mystery. I used to love looking at tita Ell's eyes kapag kausap ko siya. They were achingly familiar. It was almost too painful to look at them now.

"Pwede mo bang samahan si Uno sa grocery store? May mga ingredients kasi ako na nakalimutan bilhin."

Naging habit na kasi namin ang mag Sunday lunch kila tito Russell at least once a month. Today we're complete. Nandito din sila tito Ford at tita Ken, sila tita Sarah at tito Tristan at saka sila tito Niel at tita Kisses.

Gusto ko sanang humindi. Gusto ko sanang sabihin na si Adri nalang o si Star. Sila kuya Cloud at kuya Blaise kasi busy sa barbecue. Pero alam ko naman na sinadya ni tita Ell na ako ang sumama kay Uno. They've always paired the two of us. Palagi nila kaming ginagawang magka-partner o magkasama.

It was odd, actually. As far as I knew, my mom liked tito Russell first before my dad and tito Russell loved my mom. It was quite bizarre and complicated. Kaya hindi ko talaga gets kung bakit okay sa parents namin na i-pair up kami ni Uno. Lagi pa ngang sinasabi ni tita Ell sa akin na I was perfect for her son and that she only wants me to be her daughter-in-law. It was weird yet flattering at the same time.

I looked at her and she was looking at me hopeful. Like it was the best thing that she could do for me. Not knowing it was the exact opposite. Alam niya kasi na gusto ko si Uno. Everybody knew about my feelings for him. Hindi ko naman sinabi sa kanila. Ewan ko ba. Basta lang nila nalaman. Am I that obvious? Do I love him that much that it shows without me saying it out loud?

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at tumango. How could I say no to those eyes? It was like looking into Uno's eyes — and I can never say no to Uno.

Uno was already waiting for me inside his car. Sumakay na ako sa passenger's seat. There was this deafening silence between us. Sobrang awkward. Gusto ko nalang bumaba ng sasakyan sa sobrang awkward.

We were both brutally silent until we reached the nearest grocery store. Pagka-baba namin ng sasakyan, pumasok na agad ako sa grocery store tapos kumuha ng cart.

"Ako na." Kinuha niya yung cart sa akin tapos siya na yung nagtulak.

"Dun muna tayo sa may mga condiments." I said. As usual, I couldn't read him. I was never really good at buying groceries. Buti nalang binigyan ako ng check-list ni tita Ell ng mga kailangan bilhin.

I looked around the grocery store. I can't help but feel nostalgic. This felt so familiar to me. Uno and I, we used to be always like this. Tuwing may nakakalimutan na bilhin si tita Ell na ingredients, kaming dalawa yung lagi nilang inu-utusan na mamili. We used to really enjoy it. It was always him leading it. He knew what to buy and I was just a tag along. Tapos bibili din kami ng iba't-ibang flavor ng Cheetos at iba't-ibang chocolates. Maltesers was his favorite and mine was Ferrero. We'll buy a cherry cola flavored slurpee after tapos maiingit sila kuya Cloud at kuya Blaise kasi may slurpee kami pag-balik namin.

We used to enjoy each other's company. I still do. We were both the quiet ones. It was hard to understand Uno. He was enclosed while I was an open book — easy to read. But somehow, we were each other's solace.

Key word: were.

Hindi ko alam kung kailan, paano at saan nagsimula ang pagbabago. He just changed. Bigla nalang siyang nagbago. It was too sudden I wasn't prepared for it. Ang bilis masyado.

Naglalakad ako sa Aisle 6 nang mapansin ko na hindi naka sunod sa akin si Uno. Tumingin ako sa likod ko. Narealize ko na nasa chocolate section kami. Naka tingin siya dun sa Maltesers. Lumapit ako sa kanya tapos kinuha ko yung pinaka malaking size nung Maltesers. Ilalagay ko na sana sa push cart pero bigla niya akong pinigilan.

"That wasn't my favorite anymore." He said coldly. Kinuha niya yung Meiji dark chocolate tapos linagay niya sa push cart.

There was this sudden tightness in my chest.

Change. I hated it. I hated it for taking Uno away from me.

"Nakakasawa ka."

"We'll never happen."

Paulit-ulit nanaman yung mga salitang binitawan niya sa utak ko. Those hurtful words left a really deep cut in my heart and I was forever scarred.

Siguro nga kailangan ko 'to. Maybe I needed his cruelness for me to get over him.

He ruined me by throwing those harsh words at me. I was ruined beyond repair and I haven't even started picking-up my broken pieces.

I should start. I knew that I needed to start.

Kaya kahit gustong-gusto ko na kuhanin yung Ferrero, I picked-up the Reese chocolate instead which he knew I hated because I don't like peanut butter.

I saw a glimpse of surprise on his face pero agad din niyang nabawi.

"I thought you hate peanut butter." He said.

I just shrugged. "Things changed."