Rhett and link one shots

17.

Words: 1090 (including a/n)
Description: read to find out. (Yeah I went there)
Warnings: profanity, awkwardness, smut, Rhink

Laying in bed, I couldn't stop thinking of the date. Sure, she was nice, (at first anyway) but that man. That waiter. The clumsy waiter, who she called stupid and useless straight to his mushroom-soup-covered face, because he tripped up. And the fact that he agreed with her makes me feel even worse.

Her, I can't even remember her name. Ally, Ellie, Stevie, Casy, Lizzie. That was her name, Lizzie. Lizzie Bassett. She seemed nice until the tall, lanky waiter tripped up and apologised to us. Then I saw how despicable she really is.

// flashback //

Lizzie, teeth as white as snow, flashed me an award-winning smile. I grinned back. She looked beautiful, her golden curls framing her face, falling over her shoulders. 

I looked past her to see an extremely tall man. Balancing plates on his hands, he wobbly speed-walked over to us, when a foot shot out from under a table and he went face first in my mushroom soup. He did mange to save Lizzie's starter though.

He got back up, wiped away the soup from his eyes and brought her meatballs to the table. "Sir," an angelic voice rang through my ears. "I'm so very sorry and I will bring you out a new starter."  Is he kidding?! "It's-"

"unacceptable." Lizzie interrupted me. "You could have easily avoided this, if you knew how to do your job right, I mean, why be a waiter if you have no balance whatsoever. That's just stupid, like you. You're also very useless if you can't even bring plates to a table without destroying them!" All through this he was just nodding. "Lizzie!"

"No sir, she's right, I am pretty useless at this job and stupid for thinking I could do it correctly." I was shocked. "Of course I am." I glared at Lizzie, shocked and extremely mad. I turned back to say something to apologise for her behaviour, only to realise he went back to the kitchen.

She was so mean. I couldn't ever be with someone like that. Turns out she didn't like me anyway, she just wanted a free dinner and.. a one night.

Well, I must be a gentleman for at least bringing her to a restaurant, paying for dinner, holding the door, and overall being sweet and kind, like my usual self. After we left the restaurant, we went back to hers and I found out she only wanted to.. get in my pants. Considering I'm a virgin, it was even more awkward.

"Woah! W-what are you doing?!" We went back to her apartment and were on her couch kissing, she was sitting on my lap. Her hands tangled in my hair, mine on her waist. "What?" She asked, oh-so-innocently, trailing one hand up and down my chest.

"Lizzie, I hope I wasn't leading you on." I stood up, letting her fall onto the couch. "I mean, I like you but I'm a little bit tipsy and I don't want to.. do it. At least not yet." I ran my hand through my hair as she stood up.

"Do what?" She stood really close to me and slipped her hand between us, grazing my jeans. "Lizzie!" I stepped back, pushing my back up against a wall. "Do what, Charles?" She brushed her hand up against my crotch again.

I, having no where to go and starting to panic, blurred out. "I-I'm still a virgin!" I whimpered. She smiled evilly up at me. "You're almost 40 and still.." She paused, then chuckled. "well then, this'll be even better than I thought." "Lizzie. Please, I-I can't." "Why not?"

My shoulders started to shake, my breath quickening. "I-I.." "Well?" She stroked my shaking chest. I hung my head and worriedly watched her finger travel down my torso, towards my jeans. Sliding her finger back up, she lifted my shirt up a little, with her other hand she started unbuttoning it.

"Lizzie! I-I.. Please s-stop." She ignored me and ran her hand through my chest hair. "You look so handsome." She slipped it down from around my shoulders. I couldn't let this go any further.  "L-Lizzie!" She paused her movements, staring deep into my soul. "Yes, Charles?" She tilted her head to be even more intimating.

I gulped. "Uhm.. I-I.. This c-can't happen!" I shook. "Why?" "I already told you.. B-because I'm a.." She glared at me. "A v-virgin." She smirked, evilly. I glanced over to my abandoned shirt on the floor by the couch, gulping. She stood on her tippy-toes to reach my ear.

"You're so fucking sexy."

She growled, nibbling on my earlobe. I felt my face go red. She undid my jeans button and wiggled her hand down into my pants. I quickly grabbed her wrist. "Lizzie! S-stop, I don't w-want this!" She pinned my wrists against the wall behind me with her other hand, still keeping one down my pants.

It was at that moment I realised something.

'What?! H-how?! W-why is this, t-turning me on?! What the fuck is wrong with you, Link?!' I thought to myself, disgusted. "See you do want me!" She smirked, stroking my slight bulge through my underwear. "N-no I don't! L-let me go!" She raised an eyebrow. "Then where did this come from?"

I went red again. "I-I honestly d-don't know! But not from you!" I tried my best to get my arms free, and eventually succeeded, shoving her backwards onto the couch. I quickly snatched my shirt from the ground and towards the front door, throwing it around my shoulders. "Link!" I buttoned it up, running out the front door.

// end flashback //

When I got home I had to.. fix myself. I went red now, just thinking about what I did. I sat in the bathroom, relieving myself, with a tub of vaseline, thinking about that waiter.

"F-fuck, babe! H-harder! Uggghh."

I defiantly didn't make a mess of the bathroom. 'I honestly don't think I've ever cum that hard before.. BRAIN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!' My thoughts go everywhere at night, especially when I'm alone. I took off my glasses and placed them on the night stand, rolling onto my side to get comfortable.

I don't even know what this is honestly. But I thought that I'd post it because I haven't posted in forever.