UNSPOKEN

14 (Past and Present)

Present

I didn't see Jackson the rest of the day which was odd because he always stopped by after lunch for some sweets and to do some work in his corner. I was so angry that he hadn't stopped by, but what was I expecting? I had been pretty clear about what I wanted and he was honoring my wishes, he was staying away from me because I couldn't handle his... his... whatever he was doing by not being clear about his intentions being back in town. I needed to know what his intentions were so I could start working on my trust issues. I didn't want to go and give him all my trust and all my feelings if he was going to pack his shit and leave me alone again.

"Wow... Churros" said Alexa once she had closed the bakery and Greg was gone.

"Yeah" I said as I finished them. I had been baking all day long and I was left with some churros and donut holes. "Here, take some to Mika," I said giving her the tray with the holes, "and some churros too."

"You are not putting them out tomorrow." she said grabbing a donut hole.

"Won't be fresh enough," I said taking off the net and re arranging my hair in normal bun.

"Why the churros?" she asked looking at me. I only cooked churros when I was annoyed or someone had asked me to. "Let me guess.... Jackson," she cocked her head. She looked like a Golden Retriever waiting for me to throw a stick.

"He dared to come here and tell me that I can't go out with Leonard," I shook my head and took my apron off and hung it next to the oven and stove.

"Yeah, what's up with Vanilla-Lemon and you?" she took her apron off, too.

"Nothing much. He wants to take me out for some drinks I said it would be ok," I shrugged.

"And Jackson hated the idea," I nodded. "Fuck him, Marion. God knows I love the guy, he's a great buddy but you can't go back to that."

"I told him something like that and now..." I looked down.

"Now?" she asked.

"He didn't come before lunch. What if he really stays away?" I didn't want him to just disappear.

"He won't," said Alexa putting some churros and donut holes in a to-go box.

"You think so?" I asked doing the same splitting everything evenly into two boxes.

"I know so," she looked at me and smiled. I nodded. What if he didn't? What if he left me here wondering what could've been? Again. 

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Past

"Can we address the elephant in the room?" I asked.

"That obviously I am the amazing one in this relationship?" asked Jackson as I laughed and shoved his shoulder.

We were in the back of his car at the beach. We've been going at it for hours now because once we had sex we couldn't stop. We were like addicts. Everyone knew that we were a thing, lots of people referred to Jackson as my boyfriend when they talked to me. It was always the same conversation:

Me: He is not my boyfriend

Dude/Dudette: He is not? (confused face)

Me: Nope (mysterious grin)

Dude/Dudette: Aren't you guys like together?

Me: He is not my boyfriend.

He wasn't. He was never my boyfriend, he was the friend I was sleeping with and the guy I had fallen in love with but never my boyfriend.

"I mean the fact that you will be leaving in a month," I said sitting up and covering me with his shirt that was on the car's floor.

"Oh!" he said sitting up too, "that elephant," I nodded.

"There's nothing to talk about, Mar," he grabbed my hands.

"I'll come back every chance I get," I smiled. What about after you graduate? I was trying to ask.

"Once I graduate we will figure things out," I nodded "Are you still good with the no label thing?" he asked me, pulling me onto his lap.

"I'm more than fine with that. We are in no position to get into a formal relationship when we can't be together right now." I smiled. A genuine smile a I know we'll end up together in the end smile.

"I know. Eventually we will be together," he got me. I smiled and put my forehead against his. "I hate sharing, though," he said with his eyes closed.

"I'm yours," I said back and then he kissed me.

I was. I was his and nothing would make me change my mind. I was his for him to do whatever he wanted. I was his and he was mine. We were perfect, no strings attached, all feelings in. Of course we had to end up together. Right?

Right?

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Present

"Coming!" I raised my voice placing the donut holes on the coffee table in the living room. When I opened the door I saw Jackson standing there with a smile that said it all I'm sorry. I felt so relieved to know that he was back. That he wasn't scared off with my rant or that he thought that I wasn't worth him trying. I smiled back All is good.

"Come in" I said opening the door wider.

"Were you busy?" he asked looking around glancing towards the kitchen in case I was working on something.

"I was having a very serious date with some churros and donut holes" I said walking toward the coffee table and grabbing the box with donut holes.

"What did the date involve?" he smiled.

"Netflix and a glass of milk," he raised his eyebrow and I laughed.

"Would you mind if I join in, sounds like they might be a handful," he had his hands in the pockets of his white pants. I nodded.

"Sure, let's go upstairs," I said, halfway up the stairs already. When we got there Jackson threw himself on the sofa.

"I'm sorry, Mar," he said and leaned his elbows on his knees and his face looking down.

"I thought we were fine," I said and sat next to him.

"I need to say it out loud. It's unfair to act as if these past 8 years never happened," he said still looking at the floor.

"That's true," I nodded, staring at the wall.

"Friends?" he looked up and gave me a very sad look. I felt my heart break a little because I didn't want to be his friend but I couldn't keep on living my life the way I had for the last 2 months. It would be very destructive.

"Friends," I nodded and it felt like I had killed the hope of something.

"We won't be friends forever, though," and then he went and gave it CPR.

"We'll see," I said getting up from the sofa with a huge grin on my face that he didn't get to see.

"So where are we having this date?" for a second I was confused but then I realized he was talking about the donut holes and churros.

"On the bed," I said, leaping out of the sofa and landing on my bed's soft comforter. He did the same. It was funny how once we'd agreed on being friends being on the same bed watching Netflix and having a carb-sugar fest didn't feel weird. Eight years before, we wouldn't have been able to keep our hands off from each other. We wouldn't have finished any movie and we would've had the sweets as post-coital cravings. How life had changed amazed me. I just hoped it would be for the better.