Unconditionally

Chapter 0.37

  November 2018

|| Marabelle ||

Four days later I still hadn't left the relm of my bedroom. And my phone's been off so I haven't spoken to Freddie even though I desperately want to.

"Alright, Marabelle Jaimeson. You're going to get out of bed and shower and then we're going out for the day," My mother said as she charged into my room.

"Momma, no," I groaned.

"Marabelle, I'm not going to allow you to sit here any longer," She said. "Go and shower. I'll pick your clothes out."

I knew it was no use arguing with my mother so I reluctantly forced myself out of bed and headed into the bathroom to shower before I got dressed into the jeans and pullover cardigan paired with strappy peeptoe wedges that my mom had picked out.

"Where are we going?" I asked my mother as the driver drove us down the streets of Charlotte.

"Fairytale Gardens," She told me.

Fairytale Gardens is a popular tea party restaurant/botanical garden that my mother and I often used to visit when I was younger.

When we had gotten to my childhood favourite place, we were lead to our table nestled amongst the carnations and osiria roses and ordered our tea and canapes.

"You know you'll have to go back to Princeton and face Freddie soon right?" My mother said to me.

"I know," I murmured. "I'm scared though."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because what if he hates me? What if he resents me for what I let happen?"

"He could never hate you, Marabelle. And you didn't let this happen, my princess," Mom said gently.

"But, momma, I should have seen the warning signs," I said. "I was late but I thought it was just a missed month and I was having all these weird cravings but I thought that was me just not being able to stay away from food. I should have known..."

"Blaming and tearing yourself apart won't make it hurt any less, babygirl," She said. "And neither will pushing Freddie away. Trust me, I would know."

"Wait, what?" I asked in confusion just as our waiter set out tea and canapes down at our table.

My mother thanked him before turning back to me. "I would know because I was once in the same position that you're in."

"What do you mean?" I asked with a frown.

"Evan wasn't mine and your daddy's first child," She told me.

"He wasn't?"

"No," She shook her head. "A year before we had Evan I was pregnant with another child. But we lost it just before I was four months along."

"How come you never told me?" I asked her.

"Well your daddy and I figured that because we were blessed with two more beautiful children we wouldn't have to talk about it again," She said.

"What did you do after you lost the baby?" I asked as I sipped on my tea.

"I cried myself into oblivion," She said with a light chuckle. "I isolated myself from the world. Shut your father out completely because I thought it was my fault. I mean, I was the one responsible for carrying him or her so it was my responsibility for keeping it alive, was it not?"

"That's exactly how I feel," I mumbled.

"I was angry and upset with the world and I didn't understand why I had to loose such a precious gift," She said. "But do you know what was wrong with all of my sadness?"