Camp Lotus

Chapter 5: Closets are Lonely Places

I keep putting up this chapter because I'm not getting the notification so I don't actually know if it was actually published or not.

**********

Hamilton

I sit in the chair in Washington’s office not looking at him.

“Son--”

“Don’t call me son.”

“This camp is hard enough to run without you fighting everybody here.”

“But Lee called her--”

“It doesn’t matter what Charles called Laf.”

“It sure as hell does!”

“He’s getting his own punishment for that. And I’m sure she could have dealt with him on her own. You can’t solve every problem you have with someone by hitting them. Son--”

“I’m not your son.”

“What’s wrong Alexander?”

“Nothing you can fix.”

“I’m sure whatever it is, you'll tell us in your own time but for now if it’s causing you to attack other campers. Now son--”

“CALL ME SON ONE MORE TIME!”

“Go to bed Alexander!”

“Sir.”

“Go to bed,” he says coldly.

I turn around and walk out of the room slamming the door behind me, tears threatening to fall.

I run to the field towards one of the larger trees. I sit down, leaning against the trunk and bury my wet face in my arms, bringing my knees to my chest.

I don’t notice until later the person sitting in the branches watching me curiously.

Laurens

I stare up at the ceiling of the cabin.

I feel trapped. I can’t stay in here.

I can’t stay here.

I pull my blanket, which is actually my sleeping bag unzipped, off of me. I jump down from my spot on the top bunk.

The bed shakes a little bit and I hear Peggy waking up behind me.

“Laurens?” She says groggily. “What are you doing?”

I lean down and whisper, “I was going to just look at the stars outside for a second. I hardly ever get the chance to see them at my house.”

She nods, closing her eyes and falling back asleep.

I sigh and walk towards the door.

I step out into the cool night’s air. I take a deep breath and walk towards the tree I was sitting under earlier today, my pajama bottoms getting wet from the damp grass.

I reach the tree and climb into the branches.

The leaves block the stars but here I feel safe.

I close my eyes for a second.

After a few minutes I can hear someone walking towards the tree.

I open my eyes and watch them curiously.

It’s Alexander.

His face is wet from tears and I suddenly feel as if I’m intruding on a private moment. Which I am but I can’t look away.

In the moonlight, he is beautiful.

I cough lightly to let him know I’m here then drop beside him. I sit down.

I look at him, worried. “What’s wrong?”

He looks at me for a second and shakes his head.

“Look, Alexander--”

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Okay, Tomcat.”

He laughs lightly.

“Look, I know you just met me today but I think you should tell me what’s bothering you. I have magical powers.”

He laughs again. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“Do you understand what it’s like to be called the wrong pronouns every single day just because you’re too scared to tell anyone they’re wrong?”

I hesitate for a second.

“No,” I lie, “I don’t.”

We sit in silence for a second.”

“How is everyone getting your pronouns wrong?”

He puts his face back in his arms. “I’m agender and I would prefer to go by they/them but I haven’t told anyone.”

“Why haven’t you told anyone? They won’t reject you. They support Laf don’t they?”

“I-I guess, yeah.”

“They love you, Hamilton. All of them.”

They nod. “Wait… who told you about Laf?”

“No one, I just noticed how Martha waited for you to tell her the correct pronouns. I kind of just assumed she’s genderfluid.”

“Well good job, you assumed correctly.”

They yawn.

I stand up. “Come on, let's get you to bed, Tomcat.”

They stand up next to me and I walk with them to their cabin.

“Do you still want to be called Alexander?”

They shake their head. “I think I’ll be like you and go by my last name.”

I smile at them. “Okay, Hamilton.”

We walk in silence for a little bit before Hamilton speaks again.

“Hey Laurens,” they say.

“Hm?”

“Why do you go by your last name?”

I stop walking and they turn to look at me.

For the third time today I was being forced to decide if I wanted to tell him that I go by my last name because Julia doesn’t fit me and no one would call me John as long as I looked like this but I can’t change how I look because of my transphobic family. Or I could lie, again.

The second one it is.

I shake my head and continue walking.

“Um, I don’t know. Julia just doesn’t feel like it fits me. Also there was another Julia in my class so…” I trail off. What happened to lying?

They nod. “Makes sense. Well this is my stop. Thank you Laurens.”

“No problem.”

They turn to the door and I turn away before remembering something.

“Oh and Hamilton,” they turn toward me, “I think you should tell your friends. That way they could get your pronouns right.”

They nod and smile. “Will do.”

I wave them goodnight and walk back towards my cabin.