❂ Left Handed Cigarette ❂ // Van McCann

9.

A few days after seeing Van and overthinking every word he had said that morning, I decided I needed to forget about him.

Nothing good could come out of having a fling with him if I felt more for him than he did for me. Eventually he would buy a car and start doing bigger shows, and then move to the big city to make it with his band.
It was his passion and from our conversation back at his house I could tell it came before any relationship.

I had gotten home that morning from his house feeling shit. I couldn't explain to myself why it was affecting me that much, I usually never cared about labels or "getting serious".
I was starting to think I hadn't really liked any of my previous partners, or else this feeling wouldn't be so foreign
to me.
I was utterly infatuated by this boy and I had no idea how to handle it.

But now, three days later, Sacha had finally gotten me out of my apartment to go help out at her dads restaurant. And in all honesty, I was happy she did because my thoughts were starting to drive me a bit mad.

The restaurant was small but the clientele was very loyal and had helped make "Rino's" a household name throughout the years.
I had worked there on and off since highschool and even though me and Sach never got a lot done, nobody was brave enough to inform her dad so I was always welcomed back.

When I entered though the door, scanning over the familiar place, I couldn't help but let out a laugh.
It hadn't changed at all, even the menus I had printed with the titles the wrong way around were still neatly placed at every table.

I quickly spotted Sacha conversing with the new waiter across the room and gave her a quick wave before going to the back to slip on an apron and register my name into the schedule for today.
I smiled to myself as I heard, "her low" playing faintly through the speakers. I still remembered adding the song to the restaurant-playlist a couple of years back and made a mental note to listen to the DMA'S once I got home.

The morning passed quicker than I thought, I had bumped into loads of people I used to serve and made friendly conversation with most of the clients. It felt nice to catchup with people, even if we weren't that close and probably wouldn't see each other in any other setting, it was nice to get a glimpse of their life, the good parts, the struggles etc.
I made me feel like my boy problems were less permanent than I had made myself believe they were.

Before I knew it, it was time for my break so I headed outside to sit on the bench and have a well-deserved cig.
I checked my phone and felt a wave of disappointment seeing I didn't have any new messages.
I knew it was stupid but I had hoped in the back of my mind that Van would have texted me, we hadn't talked since I slept at his house and I was starting to think that I really was just a hookup to him and that all the shit he had said was just a pathetic attempt to let me down easy.

I was quickly knocked out of my thoughts when Sacha sat next to me, a matching cig dangling from her lips.

"Are you gonna tell what's up with you?" She asked nonchalantly.

I smiled slightly as I exhaled my smoke. I had seen this coming.

"You're not gonna like this." I said matter-of-factly.

"Is this another one of your tragic love stories?" She asked nudging my side trying to lighten up my mood.

I think she knew all along it was Van but didn't want to hit a nerve by questioning me until I seemed more relaxed. She had a good radar for that Sacha, I'd give her that, she always knew when to ask the right questions.

"Yeah. I don't know Sach, this one is different. I barely know him and he already has such a big effect on my mood you know?" I spoke, finally letting it off of my chest.

She frowned in confusion,

"What happened though, I thought everything was going well cos you said you were going to his gig and stuff?"

She inquired, crossing her legs as she turned to face me.

"I don't know, he just doesn't want to commit I think. I don't understand why it bothers me so much, it shouldn't since I'm leaving soon and everything. But it does." I said sighing,

"I don't know, I think I just really like him." I added, rushing the end of my sentence.

"So what are you gonna do?" She pressed hesitantly.

"I don't know. Probably gonna ignore him until I leave." I said laughing at the irony of my answer.

She just shook her head at me with a all-knowing smile before asking,

"Do you think he makes you happy?"

I thought about before answering, simultaneously killing my cigarette with my heel,

"Not right now he's doesn't." I answered with scoff.

"No but I meant, when you're alone with him?" She asked.

I glanced at the ground, I knew the answer but I hated having to admit it to her.

"Yeah. You don't even know Sach.. I think I really fucked myself over this time." I spoke silently.

"Then go see him. Thea, you'll regret it if you don't, trust me." She said confidently.

I thought about it for little while, staring out onto the road.
Truthfully I knew I wanted to and she was right, I would regret it, I was sure of that.

"Alright then." I said, giving her a small smile.

She just smiled proudly to herself, and confessed with a wicked look in her eyes,

"Good because I texted them and we're all going drinking tonight."