Empty Handed

three

When I wake up, the house is empty and quite. Annie and Mom headed out again for something. I crack some eggs into a bowl and mix it up with a fork. Slowly I pour it into a heated pan amd watch as the cook.

After stirring it around for a few minutes, I put it on a plate, grab my phone and plop down on my bed. Turning on the TV, the ending of Lilo and Stich is still on. After deciding to settle on that, I pick up.my phone and scroll through Instagram.

I open up Snapchat amd take a picture of my breakfast and the movie. After putting the words "This is the Life", I post it on my story. Than I take a picture of myself with a filter and type on it "Good Morning". I sigh once that's added to my story. Everyone wants to believe I love my constant life of traveling amd LA. I don't. Annie loves her life. She's got a perfect boyfriend, Hayden, amd perfect friends, TV shows, lots of followers, happiness and money. She's so content with her life she is oblivious to the fact that I hate this life style. But it guess my opinion doesn't matter. Mom says it's called being ungrateful when I sya I don't like living here. But maybe she's the one who's ungrateful for her daughter whom wished her mom only smiled st her more. But who cares about what I ahev to say anyways. That's how it's always been. Hayley, Annie's little sister.

I guess here's to another day just like the others...

-

"Keep your head up, Hayley! Come on you nailed this yesterday!" My dance coach shouts to me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before trying it again. Still my head looks down. After realizing my mistake, I stop spinning and fall onto my knees. I wipe my head with my arm. I feel a small tap on my shoulder and look up to be faced my dance coach, Ellie, who kneels down to me. The music has stopped.

She outs three fingers underneath my chin. She smiled sad like closes her eyes before opening them and talking softly. She sensed my frustration and my sadness.

"Hayley, are you sure everything is okay at home?" She asked softly, looking into my own light brown eyes. I sighed and nodded. Smile and lie. It always gets you through.

"Yea. It always is." I spoke, forcing a smile onto my lips. It was full of lies. And Ellie could see right through those lies.

"Even the strongest need to show their weaknesses. Hayley, it's okay to be vulnerable." She spoke quietly. I looked down and pulled my knees to my chest. I rested my head on my knees and scratched the top of my palm. I was starting to get get scabs and deeper scrarches from doing it so often. I already had two band aids on my right palm. But I lied and said it was from accidently cutting myself.

"I miss Caleb. And I miss my dad. I miss Annie and I even miss my mom. I want to go back home. The dance studio is the only place I feel welcomed and everyday I have to go back to a place where I'm not welcome. To a place where my name is barely known and no body listens to my opinions or to my voice. My home is not there. My home is with my dad. My home is with my friends in Maryland." I finally spoke, small drops of salty tears beginning to fall from my eyes. "Our new fans don't even know who I am anymore and the channel is named after me. I lost my name years ago, but Annie's is just starting to get even more known."

Ellie looked at me for a while before hugging my tightly. At that point my walls collapsed. I hugged her back tightly. I let my cries ehco the studio and I let someone finally hold me and hug me. Someone broke me. It only took time. I closed my eyes as Ellie hugged me and didn't speak as I cried. Her arms around me were enough to tell me I was appreciated here.

She pulled me apart and wiped my tears using her sleeve. I laughed a little when she smiled gently at me and fixed my curly loose strands form my face.

"Hay, I need you to realize every aspect of you is appreciated. Your mama loves you and Annie would never imagine a life without you. You're accepted and your loved. You have to show them that you're amazing, hard working and a beautiful girl. There's so much you could do in this world if you believed in yourself." Ellie says sternly, but with a sparkle in her eyes. She nods and I nod back. She helps me back up.

"Now Hayley LeBlanc, go get some water and show me who you slay this dance." She says. I laugh gently and walk to my dance bag.

-

After eating dinner and not seeing my own mom or sister anytime today, I worked on school and than practiced some of my dance moves in my bedroom. Suddenly I could hear the door click and unlock. I stopped lifting my leg up and slowly braught it down. I opened my door and walked out. Mom wa son the phone and Annie was texting. Her expensive bag she rarely used in her other hand.

"H-Hi mom." I spoke quietly, trying to make myself known in my own house. I smiled slightly and mom looked up for a split seconds before taking into the device again. I sighed.

"Mom I got a new move in my dance." I spoke again, this time a little louder.

"Hayley, you clearly see I'm on the phone, can't it wait? I swear I taught you manners." She said sternly. My lip began to quiver. They can't see me cry. They can't see me cry.

"S-Sorry mom." I stuttered before turning away and keeping my head low. I rushed into my room and shut the door and bit my lip. I can't cry. I began to scratch on my palm as my eyes became watery. I'm just being baby I forced myself to think. I sat on my bed snd scratched more until it began to bleed. Even then I continued. It hurt just a little bit, but it was better than crying. Once I heard my name being called I scrambled to the edge of my bed so no one could see the tears that threatened to fall any moment.

"Hayley, we're leaving to hotel in Anaheim to film for a Disney ad. Get your stuff packed. You jave thrifty moments." I heard mom say.

"Okay." I spoke quietly. She just shut the door snd walked away. Of course she didn't care that my voice quivered or that I wouldn't face her.

I got up and out a few things into a backpack. I threw my toothbrush and my glasses in there. I put on some leggings and my dance studio shirt. Pulling on a gray jacket, I finished and walked outside my room with my phone.

Mom and Annie saw me and immediately unlocked the door snd got their things.
"Finally you're ready..." Annie trailed off. I felt my hand go to my left hand and start immediately scratching. Just scratch Hayley, it will make you feel better I told myself.

I followed them to the car. I got in the backseat and immediately shoved my headphones into my ears. As the music surrounded me in a big hug, I tried to imagine it was before the divorce. Before Caleb. When everyone was happy with our simple lives. I did this often.

But every time I'm always disappointed I'm back where I never wanted to be.