Reality Glitch

Chapter 2: (Unfortunately) This is My Actual Reality (Reality)

"Brat, get your lazy ass up this instant!" An annoyingly familiar voice reached my ears, but I tried my damndest to ignore it and chose to pull my covers over my head tightly to ignore the telltale signs of morning. That senile fart may not know it but fighting buffainos can take a lot outta a guy.

THUD!

Ack! My turtle I think I just broke my nose.

"YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT, DON'T IGNORE YOU'RE ELDERS!! I COULD'VE BEEN DYING!!"

If only. The reason for me being face down on the ground with a broken nose? My dick of grandpa, as usual, had spin kicked me out of my soft comfort. Yes, this is an every morning occurrence. Isn't he loving?

"Dear, don't play too rough he still has to go to school. Maru-Kun, would you like some onigiri in your bento box?" That's my lovely Grandma Cho. She's as sweet as sugar but as airheaded as hell. Bless her. I groaned from my position on the ground then huffed when Teho climbed on top of my head, causing my already out of control bangs to fall over my eyes even more.

"That would be awesome Granny Cho, I thank you for everything you do. You are a saint, and I have no idea why you're married to such a Spartan like this senile fart-!" I groaned when said fart sat on my back with me in a headlock and was pulling my right leg back in an awkward angle. Oh the pain.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, BRAT!?!?" Ugh, he's gonna kill my eardrums. Though I don't know what's more painful; the headlock and bent leg or that knowledge that he was able to do all that to me. Oh my pride.

"Hey, Kaze-kun!" A voice called out. Huh? Who the hell would want to talk with me? I 'gently' shoved my grandpa off my back and walked to my window and pulled back the curtains, cringing when the lights assaulted my eyes. Looking down, I saw the bane of my existence.

"Kaze-kun, hurry up we're gonna be late!" An annoyingly cheerful voice called out. Sheiji Hano, 15-years-old, blonde hair, blue eyes, class 1-A, and my delusional next door neighbor. The reason why he's delusional? Apparently he thinks of us as the 'Three Musketeers'. Who is the third Musketeer?

"Kyo-Kun~! Don't keep me waiting!"

That would be Lucy Garcia, a very delusional girl who is under the impression that we're married.

...

....

.....

Yeah, I know what you're thinking: crazy, psycho bitch, right? Well it's what I was thinking and I think I'm in my rights. I groaned then yanked my curtains closed and was prepared to turn around when-

THUD

"HOW DARE YOU TURN YOUR BACK AGAINST YOUR OWN GRANDFATHER, YOU LITTLE BRAT!! WHY I OUTTA KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!" But I was enabled to listen to him as I focused on the throbbing vein on his head.

It was so gross yet...

....

....

....

So morbidly fascinating... I just couldn't control myself...

It was like my body stopped responding to my brain and began to move on its own...

My hand slowly rose and began to steadily move forward...

Closer....

Closer....!

SO MUCH FUCKING CLOSER UNTIL!! ....

....

....

I poked it...

...

Silence...

"I'M GOING TO *bleep* *bleep* THEN I'M GONNA *bleeeeeeppp* UNTIL YOU'RE BEGGING JASHIN TO SAVE YOUR SORRY ASS!!!"

The words mentioned above have been rated above the M level and have been censored to protect your virgin ears. Please standby.

"THEN AFTER THAT I'M GONNA *bleep* *bleep* YOU WITH MY CANE!!!"

Thank you for your patience. Now your regularly scheduled program will resume.

"Hon hon hon~ I haven't heard such language in awhile~! It's nice to see you two getting along so well, it warms my lil ol' heart!" Oh granny...

Sad to say, but..... This is my reality

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A/N: welp, my first fanfiction and I'm nervous as hell! Try not to be too brutal on me, please? Truth be told, I'm kinda just winging this story even though I had this idea for a while xD I hope my best friend is enjoying it so far (she knows who I'm talking about) and also SACRE BLEU, MADEMOISELLE!! Ignore this, this is a perverted inside joke that I may start using as a sign off!