The Broken Little Damsel

Chapter four

Warning: triggering;  self harm and depression

I decided to take a bath before I  went to sleep.
I pulled out my clothes and made my way to the bathroom. 
I bathed but when I was bathing my thighs ,I couldn't help it but cry. Memories of all those nights came flooding in.
I still remember that Razer blade i would use.
I had gotten used to it.
It was my only escape from all the horrors of life.
I also remembered that i saw him.
Without me even noticing , I went out of the bathroom and headed for my room.
I opened the drawer and took out the Razer blade. I created new scars on my thighs, which joined a thousand others.
I cried and cried and cried.
I shouldn't have begun doing it. But it was the only way i could feel relieved. Relieved from all the memories which always haunted me.
Relieved from my conscious because of all failed  suicide attempts i had.

Blood poured out. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my lips. Every time i did this ,seeing blood always gave me comfort. Somehow.
Then I stood up and finished bathing. I wore my pjs then climbed on top of my bed.
I was exhausted from all the shopping and swimming.
A few minutes passed. I couldn't sleep because my mind reminded me of that very first moment when I started that bad habit which became something I'd do for the sake of comfort.
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TWO YEAS BACK (2015)
"Thanks for coming, uncle Rob ", i said.
I called him after I came back home from the police station.
I didnt know who to call.
Luckily, i had a loving uncle,  who I trusted

Uncle Robert Paxson. My mother's brother.
I called him and told him what happened. Within a hour he was at my door step.
"Anything for my lovely niece."
He entered the house.
I couldn't help it but cry. So he hugged me and told me that all was going to be well.
My arms were around his neck and his arms were around my waist.
Then he  slowly moved his hands down my spine and cupped my bums. I tried to stop him but it looked as if his mind was already made up.
"We both have no one to comfort us. My wife died two years back and  no one can comfort you.  So let's comfort ourselves ".
I tried pushing him away but he was in his early 30s and he visited the gym three times a week, so obviously he was stronger than i was.
The next thing, I  was crying and my uncle was raping me. Yes, the uncle whom I really loved and trusted. He was raping me. Which meant i was no longer a virgin.
Then he stopped and ran out of the house. Left me lying down, crying and surrounded by blood.
I lay there for the whole night.
Morning came and I had to get help.
So I took myself to the hospital.
Luckily my uncle didn't have HIV and I was helped before I could get pregnant.
I went home at noon because I had to open a case at the police station. They searched for my uncle or should I say Rob and didn't find him anywhere.
I couldn't help but remember what had happened earlier today.

Earlier that day

"And the top student for grade 09 2015 is KRISTEN CRUZ  ." Our principal Mrs Brown announced at our price giving ceremony. Well let me just say i was expecting it. I have been the top student since kindergarten. I made my way to the stage while searching for my parents who always came to all similar functions to this one at my school. However they were not  here yet. I received my certificate and made my way back to where i was sitted before. After the ceremony I  said bye to my best friend Renesmee and went home. When I got to our double storey mansion,  it was unfamiliarily quite.
Something is wrong , I thought to myself.
Maybe they went somewhere. Few hours later I heard a knock at the door I rushed there with the hope that it would be my parents. But the hope died when I   saw it were the police. The look on their faces explained everything without even  uttering a single word. They told me that my parents and my 7 year old sister were involved in a car crash and I had to come with them to identify the corpses. I assured them that the bodies belonged to my family.

Renesmee (Renes) called later that day notifying me  that she was  moving to  South Africa to stay there with her folks. She couldn't believe the bad news I  told her.
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And that's how I started harming myself.
I would cut myself every time I missed them or each time i would remember what my uncle did.
That's the day i lost many important things in my life: (1)my loving family, (2) my best friend,(3)my virginity  (4)trust and (5) my character.
Well, I  had always been the good girl in school. I would always participate excellently in class but since that day everything about me changed.
I started having an attitude towards my teachers,  actually everyone.
No one wanted to be my friend any more.
So I became that girl who didn't care.
I  liked playing that role. But , the thing about life is , no matter how deep you burry your past ,it always works it way back to the surface.
It makes sure you acknowledge it's presence.
Once again today I felt my past's presence. The moment I saw him, at the shop, I didn't know what to do or think. So I did the only thing I  thought was sane. I dragged Carr out of the shop.
Now self harm was my only escape from my own thoughts.
They say physical pain   is much better than emotional pain. Now that's what I'm  also saying. The only thing you have to deal with after harming yourself are the scars. They are a constant reminder of what you went through.  English says for every dark cloud there is a silver lining, the only good thing about these scars is that they are healing fast and they are fading away. But as soon as others disappear,  something has to break my heart so that I can create  more scars.
That's the Kristen  I have become.
But I  think now it's the perfect time to move on.
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A/N
Hello it's me again.
I hope this chapter gave you all insight into Kristen 's past and reason of the character she is.
I'd like to say sorry to those of you who went through the same thing Kristen went through.

Now that you know Kristen  better ,i think you will like to see THE RISE OF  KRISTEN CRUZ 
This could have been a nice title ,don't you think?

What do you think of Kristen , now that you know what she went through??
Vote, comment and share

Love you guys
Sthabile